Dumbledore's Dark Child
by Atana
Summary: In this sequel to "The Best Actor in the World", Seventh-Year student Severus Snape's life changes forever when he volunteers to join the Death Eaters to help his guardian and would-be father Albus Dumbledore fight the forces of Darkness.
1. Default Chapter

DUMBLEDORE'S DARK CHILD 

A Snivellus-Marauders Story and Sequel to "The Best Actor in the World"

Written and Illustrated by Atana (See the drawings by clicking the link on her Profile page)

-------------

"I will watch you in the darkness  
Show you love will see you through  
When the bad dreams wake you crying  
I'll show you all love can do  
All love can do.  
  
I will watch by the night  
Hold you in my arms  
Give you dreams where no one will be  
I will watch through the dark  
Till the morning comes  
For the lights will take you  
Through the night to see  
All love, showing us all love can be.  
  
I will guard you with my bright wings  
Stay till your heart learns to see  
All love can be."

-- "All Love Can Be," song by James Horner from the film "A Beautiful Mind"

-------------

Chapter 1 - Soul Searching

Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, hadn't really looked forward to the opening of the 1977-78 school year.

Not by a long chalk.

Severus Snape, Slytherin House's top Seventh-Year student, had recently volunteered to join the Death Eaters to help Dumbledore and the forces of Light defeat Lord Voldemort. Brought up in a Dark family himself, Severus had been raised to become the former Tom Riddle's acolyte by his abusive father. Snape Senior was abusive no more, however, due to the intervention of Albus Dumbledore. In fact, Snape Senior had recently experienced a very close encounter with a Dementor and had joined the Shake and Drool set at Azkaban Prison, much to his battered and long-suffering family's great relief.

Since the child's first year at Hogwarts, Albus had become the father Severus should have had. Though arriving far too late in his life to heal the boy's most grievous emotional wounds, the Headmaster's kindness had touched the young Slytherin's heart and had won Albus a devoted supporter in the fight against the Dark forces now seeking to bring Wizardkind to its knees.

After all, Albus had known about that prophecy foretelling the last great battle between Voldemort and a yet unknown "Child of Light". Inherent in the unfolding of future events was the able assistance of a similarly-unknown "Dark Child". It had been more than suggested by the portent that the Child of Light would prevail only with his or her assistance. Albus had concluded several years ago that Severus Snape might well be this Dark Child, and had shared his thoughts with the teenager. It had all but broken Dumbledore's heart when the emotionally crippled boy had more or less given his young life away by agreeing to become the Headmaster's spy.

The relationship between them had been far from one-sided, however. Albus had protected Severus not only from his father's abuse and his mother's abandonment, but from his own demons as well. The Headmaster had helped and nurtured the troubled student through suicide attempts and hospitalizations. Perhaps it had been no accident that young Snape had needed a parent who would love rather than abandon or abuse him, and that the Headmaster had needed a son in spite of his decision not to expose a family of his own to the dangers implicit in being the greatest White wizard in the world.

All of the above had left Dumbledore with an unsettled heart and a conscience that troubled him unduly. Shortly before the opening day Feast, the Headmaster of Hogwarts had sought some quiet telepathic time with a very old friend of his.

--------------

Myrddin of Carmarthen, old friend! I am in need of your counsel. I feel terrible guilt for what I have said to an innocent child.

_Talk to me, then. _

I have traded his life away so that I might have a source of information -- a spy – against Voldemort.

_He traded it away. I know this boy's heart through you._

He will lead a terrible life because of me.

_He already leads one._

I will ruin his life because he loves me.

_The child is already broken, Albus. Your love can only help him._

I feel that he has been getting better of late.

_No. He remains lost. You cannot mend his soul._

He is only a schoolboy!

_Severus has a very old soul._

He has the chance to live a happy life without spying for me.

_He does not, Albus, and never did. This child has drowned in Darkness all his life. _

I pray that Severus will have a better future.

_Without you to care for him, he will attempt suicide once more._

I cannot be sure of that.

_I can, old friend. _

Are you positive?

_Without you, he will die at his own hand ere he reaches the age of twenty._

O, gods!

_Indeed._

I tell Severus that I love him, yet I willingly expose him to perils beyond description.

_This boy knows Darkness already. There is not much of evil he hasn't already seen and experienced. You flatter yourself._

I feel like a liar.

_Feelings are not facts, Albus. You have told him what life as a spy will be like._

Why has he decided to join the side of Light?

_Your Dark child has no one but you. You are Light. He seeks to emulate you._

It can't be that easy to figure out.

_Well, perhaps you are right. He longs for love; dreams of belonging; prays for acceptance. _

I hope I provide at least some of that for him.

_You do, and will give him even more. _

Such as?

_You are giving him the chance to redeem himself. _

I don't know how to give him redemption. It is beyond me.

_Don't slight yourself, Albus. You are giving him the chance to save his eternal soul._

One more question. Why is my Dark child willing to die for the side of the Light?

_Because he loves you, foolish wizard! _

Is it that simple?

_No. It never is._

Thank you for easing my heart.

_Be at peace, old comrade._ _And don't be such a stranger._

Farewell, Myrddin.

_Farewell, Dumbledore._

-------------

"Excuse me, Albus?" said Assistant Headmistress Minerva McGonagall, rapping smartly on his wooden door. "Nearly time. Best be off to the Great Hall."

The old man sighed and sat up straight, groaning at the creaking of arthritic joints. The vagaries of Old Age could be annoying, sure enough; but such concerns would have to await later contemplation.

Albus Dumbledore didn't have just one child, you see. He had over a thousand of them.

He rose and strode out the warded doors of his office to greet them once again.


	2. Word Feast

Chapter 2 – Word Feast

The students sat assembled in the Great Hall, awaiting the arrival of the Headmaster. There was a bit of a stir at the Slytherin table when a copy of the Daily Wizard began making the rounds.

"Look here, Snips! You're famous!" said Evan Ryper, handing the paper to Severus Snape. A moving photo of Sev, Lily, and James having a snowball fight inside the crystal bubble caught his eye.

"Oh, great," the Seventh-Year student said, wrinkling his nose. He snapped the newspaper open and began to read.

---------

HOGWARTS STUDENTS SAVED IN SNOW MYSTERY

Copyright 1977 Wizards' Press International

_A plot to abduct three Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry students was foiled last week when Headmaster Albus Dumbledore stepped in. The Seventh-Year students involved are James Potter, Lily Evans, and Severus Snape._

_Magickal World Professor Frey Azaki told reporters that he and the three children had been hiking on nearby Mt. Muldoon when the students were Disapparated away by unknown forces – unknown, at least, until he saw the Sign of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named appear over the mountain itself._

_Professor Dumbledore learned that the three had been transported to a location near the summit of Mt. Cotopaxi, which has an altitude of 29,528 feet. The children would have died from exposure and high altitude cerebral edema within minutes of their forced Apparation. He was able to successfully bring them back, encased in a protective bubble. The rescued students played in the snow captured inside the bubble as their classmates – basking in the warmth of a late summer day – looked on. The children were examined at the school's Hospital Wing and are fully prepared to begin classes two days from now._

----------

Fwaaaap!

A wadded-up piece of paper smacked Severus in the back of the head. With a hiss of annoyance, he shoved the newspaper back at Ryper and turned around. He leaned down and recovered the note, uncrinkling it with a tinge of foreboding.

It was a haiku.

From Sirius Black, to boot.

_Mountain-climbing creepy Snape_

_Too bad he didn't stay_

_Freezing his huge nose._

__

__

"Oh brother," Severus sneered. Fully unwrinkling the paper and smoothing it flat, he turned it over and penned his own poem. Wadding it up tightly, he turned around, and – keeping a close watch for faculty notice – pegged Peter Pettigrew with it.

"Hey, what gives!" the chubby Marauder yelped. He tossed it at Sirius Black, who promptly unwrapped it.

_Dumb ass cannot write_

_A plain haiku correctly_

_Does he count his toes?_

__

__

Black grinned and began to write, scribbling over the Slytherin's work. Snape observed that the boy counted on his fingers throughout the creative process.

The Gryffindor's concentration was broken, however, when Headmaster Dumbledore began the welcoming ceremony. He warned everyone to stay out of the Forbidden Forest and away from the Third Floor, gesturing at Argus Filch and his cat.

"I'll bet you a galleon that Mrs. Norris is really a lady," James Potter said, snickering.

"If she is, does he give her catnip to get her frisky?" Remus Lupin returned. Potter stared at the usually timid Lupin and broke out laughing.

Professor McGonagall and the new students had just completed the Sorting when Sirius Black began penning furiously once again. He finished just as the Headmaster revealed that this year's words were _bubble and squeak, capybara, jitterbug,_ and _quasar._ The Headmaster waved his hands, and the feast began.

Smiling, Black flung the paper at the Slytherin Table, where it eventually made its way into Snape's hands:

_A drippy-nosed dork_

_Everybody hates his ass_

_He smells like bat dung._

__

__

"That Gryffie jerk," Severus muttered, eradicating Black's verse with a spell so he could write his own. While he was thinking, however, a touch of magical warmth came from the paper and he saw a shimmery haze that formed itself into letters:

_You should be eating_

_Try the brisket, it's delish_

_Now settle down, child._

__

__

Severus looked up at Headmaster Dumbledore and grinned.

When Albus' gaze fell upon his own dinner plate, the Slytherin turned and gave Black the one-finger salute. Black returned it, as did several other Gryffindors. The Slytherins laughed and returned the favor until Professor Penderdandis caught them, hissing at them to stop right this instant.

So satisfied, Severus turned to taste the brisket. It was good, all right; leave it to Albus Dumbledore to recommend the tastier foods. Severus thought about the first bowl of pistachio ice cream he'd had here in the Great Hall. He sighed in remembrance and tried the whipped potatoes with chives and a bit of cream cheese.

Another shimmer appeared to the left of his plate. When it cleared, Severus found his heart's desire -- a large bowl of ice cream.

Pistachio!

Severus looked up.

The Headmaster was speaking to Professor Flitwick, but he turned to look at the boy.

_Thank you,_ Severus mouthed with a huge grin.

Dumbledore smiled and nodded.

Severus also felt the Headmaster's warmth in his heart and in his mind.

_He cares for me._

_He will protect me._

_He is my father._

_I would die for him --_

_I would die for him and the Child of Light._

Without another word to anyone, Severus cleaned his plate and tucked into the ice cream.


	3. Troubled Heart

Chapter 3 –Troubled Heart 

Snape's final year at Hogwarts was destined to be more unpleasant than its predecessors.

The boy knew that he would have to give up his friendship with James Potter and Lily Evans. He also understood that he would have to join the Death Eaters to fulfill his promise to Albus Dumbledore. Severus further realized that whatever youthful exuberance he might have once felt (though fleetingly) was now at an end.

This year was indeed the End. For now, he knew his destiny and his path. From this point forward, Severus would be swallowed by the Dark that had always threatened to envelop him completely.

_Funny,_ he thought. _Martis Vox and Albus Dumbledore worked so hard to save me, and all for naught._

Of course, he was a boy who had always hidden his feelings because it was a necessary and useful survival skill. And as he settled into the life of a Seventh-Year, Sev realized that it was highly imprudent to dwell upon them. When one planned to jump into the abyss, figuratively speaking, a few potholes in the road leading thereto were scarcely to be looked for.

Snape's classes were more utilitarian than engrossing. He had suppressed a sardonic grin when Professor Wakefield (the latest in a long line of sacked and/or sackable Defense Against the Dark Arts instructors) had railed against the same forbidden works of Dark Wizardry that he had been forced to memorize as a child.

--------

Currently sitting in his Transfigurations class bored out of his skull, Severus Snape now doodled the names of such ancient tomes on a scrap of parchment he had brought into class with him to relieve the tedium.

_Let me see,_ he thought, writing out the titles in his elaborate yet cramped hand. There was the Comte d'Erlette's _Cultes des Goules _and the_ Unaussprechliche Kulten_ by Friedrich von Junzt. The _Cryptomenysis Patefacta_ by John Falconer. Remigius' _Daemonolatreia,_ published in Lyons in 1595.

_Scribble, scribble, scribble._

Giovanni Battista della Porta's _De Furtivis Literarum Notis._

_Scribble, scribble, scribble._

Joseph Glanvil's _Saducismus Triumphatus. _

_The Witch-Cult in Western Europe_ by Dr. Margaret Murray, that old cow!

_Scribble, scribble, scribble._

There was the granddaddy of _grimoires_, of course; the _Necronomicon_ by Abdul Alhazred. His father had managed to get his hands on one of Dr. Dee's rare English translations. The nasty old git had probably sold his soul for it.

_Soul? What soul?_ Severus now thought, smirking at the memory of Confutatis Maledictis Snape's late encounter with the Dementors of Azkaban.

"_And what on Earth are you doing, Mr. Snape?"_ cried Minerva McGonagall, snatching at the piece of parchment and jostling his arm. Her fingertips brushed it, but that was all.

Afraid of touches and sudden movements in general, Sev had jerked away from her. An older and wiser wizard would have controlled himself better. An older and wiser wizard also wouldn't have blurted out, "That's mine!" instead of a convincing if insincere apology.

Snape's lack of foresight had altered his transgression in Minerva's mind from simple inattention to the more ominous sin of dwelling upon forbidden tomes during class. HER class, not to put too fine a point upon it. "How dare you?" Minerva shrieked. "We'll have none of that here, Mr. Snape; none of that at all!"

The rest of his classmates turned around (for Snape sat in the back row, as he always did when he had a choice) and stared at him.

"Bet he's been drawing dirty pictures, Moony," Peter Pettigrew chuckled. Probably naked ones of Britty Vox."

"Where?" yelped Remus Lupin, shooting upright in such haste that he strained a muscle in his back.

Sirius Black – who sat only one row ahead of Severus – had turned and sat motionless and silent, drawing in the boy's panic and embarrassment like the bouquet of a fine wine. Black had caught a glance at the parchment before the Slytherin's hand had convulsively crumpled it in his right fist.

"_Snivelly, you've done it this time!"_ he thought to himself with delighted satisfaction.

"Give that parchment to me at once, Mr. Snape!" Professor McGonagall cried.

His heart pounding and his face a nonreadable blank, Severus refused.

"_Immediately!"_ the Transfigurations teacher demanded.

"_No,"_ Severus said in his emotionless manner.

Minerva stood rigid and upright, nostrils flaring. With the wave of her wand and muttered charm and in a flash of silvery scales, she turned the recalcitrant boy into a fish. The parchment now fell away cleanly from hand turned flipper. Snatching it, she reversed the charm, leaving Severus lying prone with his forehead touching the ancient wooden planks of the classroom floor.

"Go at once to the Headmaster's Office, Mr. Snape!" she shrieked. "Wait there until I dismiss class and join you!"

"Fetch the tartar sauce, Wormtail!" Sirius Black whispered gleefully.

"Nah, he was probably just a carp – too skinny and bony to do anyone any good!" Pettigrew then drew his hands up by his ears and widened his eyes, doing a passable impression of a fish in water.

"Glub, glub," Remus tittered. "I think he was a barracuda, myself."

"That fits," concurred Black.

James Potter sat silent.

Their professor hadn't heard the exchange since her own angry blood was yet boiling in her ears. "OUT OF HERE AT ONCE, MR. SNAPE!"

His eyes stinging with humiliation and his face a deep red, Severus Snape scrabbled up his belongings and half-stumbled out of the classroom in his usual jerky manner. Not just anyone had suffered nervous system damage at the hands of his father, after all. He was --

_Different. _

_Always different. _

_And strange._

Such a person could never hope to fit in.

Sev's shame at being thrown out of class curdled his stomach into agony.

_The Headmaster will be angry._

Sev's heart skipped a beat.

_Oh yes. _

_Oh my yes!_

_Dumbledore will be disappointed in you, you nasty greasy useless git! He will see right through you and toss you into the ash heap just like everybody else!_

Unwanted, unloved.

He was --

_Forsaken._

The heavy plank doors closed behind Severus Snape with a loud bang.

"Oh, that was grand!" crowed Sirius Black, pumping his fists in mock victory.

"Why don't you shut the hell up, Padfoot?" hissed James Potter. Without another word, the boy scooped up his own books and left the classroom.

-------------

As if he had anticipated James' actions, Snape had darted down an alternative route to Dumbledore's office. He wanted no one to see him with his face red and burning, hot tears scalding his eyes, and shame sickening his soul.

_Run, Snivellus! Run, you filthy disgusting greasy Dark wizard!_

With a strangled sob, he rounded the corner and pelted away from the one person who had come to his aid.

----------

The scene in the Headmaster's Office had been predictable.

Minerva McGonagall had railed away at Severus, all but accusing him of practicing the Dark Arts in her classroom. She then reminded the Headmaster that young Snape had conjured multiple demons (and a live dragon, too!) right on Hogwarts grounds. She restated her longstanding conviction that no good would come from such a lad, and that a long string of detentions would only partially provide her with the relief she would most assuredly feel if he were involuntarily transferred to Durmstrang.

Severus had told Dumbledore he'd only been scribbling, and if anyone had wanted to take the trouble they could see for themselves that the volumes in question had been noted in the Seventh Year D.A.D.A. curriculum. Actually, this had not been entirely true. Perhaps a few may have been mentioned in passing, here or there. Severus had felt confident that Minerva would not press the issue, and she hadn't.

_Sneaky lying little Slytherin snake!_

_Oh, you hissing deceitful liar!_

Albus had thanked Minerva for her concern with the good of the School. He had also assured her that he would discuss the matter with Slytherin's Head-of-House, Professor Penderdandis. Wishing her good day, the Headmaster had gently closed the door behind her. No sooner had the ancient charmed wards on it rewoven themselves than Snape had burst into horrified tears.

_Oh gods._

_Now I'm bawling like a damned homesick First-Year!_

_Idiot!_

_Worthless piece of – _

Before the boy's tormented thoughts had wrapped themselves around another syllable, Albus Dumbledore had put his arms around him. The Slytherin had first tried to jerk away, not wanting to taint the Headmaster with his own Dark ugliness.

"It's all right, Son," the man said quietly, rubbing the boy's back and flooding him with healing energy. "It's all right now. You know that, don't you?" Still paralyzed by his uncontrollable self-loathing, Severus shook his head no. More energy flowed through him like a gentle brook, cleansing even the darkest corners of his tortured soul.

"Easy, Severus. Come and sit with me a while. Come on." Dumbledore led the boy to a sofa and sat him down.

Snape clenched both hands in his lank black hair as hot tears poured down his thin face. "No, I can't – "

"You can and will, my boy." He gently wove his old fingers into the student's clenched fists until they relinquished their grip. Spreading the hands out flat with his thumbs, Albus held them in his own as the boy buried his face in the sleeve of the Headmaster's brocade robe.

"I'm no good," Snape gasped, still trembling in shock and dismay.

"Nonsense," came the Headmaster's calm voice. He flowed more soothing energy over the boy's shattered nerves. "You were and are a fine young man, and I will go to my grave thinking so!"

This only exacerbated Snape's sobs; but Albus had expected that. He waited until Severus had calmed down, and then wiped his face and nose with a clean pocket-handkerchief.

It took several minutes for Sev to stop his painful breathing, and several more before he was able to release the tension in his rigid shoulders. Dumbledore wisely waited until the boy was ready to speak.

"I'm so sorry," Severus Snape whispered.

"I believe that our Professor McGonagall might have overreacted just a wee bit, Son," the Headmaster said.

"Aren't you going to report me to Professor Penderdandis?" Sev asked, his face still hidden in the shoulder of Dumbledore's robe.

"I wouldn't dream of it," Albus replied. "How about some ice cream -- or some fudge, perhaps?"

Sev finally raised his head, face still splotched with red but eyes finally dry. "Why is it that whenever I have a crisis, you're ready with the sugar?"

The kind face of the old man beamed. "Because life is sweeter with it, my dear child! Now, then. Ice cream or fudge?"

"Both," Severus sighed.

-----------

Three of the four Marauders had amused themselves for nearly the entire afternoon of the following day by tossing pebbles into the lake. The cooler days of autumn were almost upon them, and soon the students of Hogwarts School would retire to the Great Hall or their respective House sitting rooms to pass the time. As it was, however, the sun still shown with its lesser warmth, and it felt good against young faces and backs.

"McGonagall gave Snivelly four detentions," Sirius Black said. "She found out that Dumbledore didn't even tell Penderdandis what had happened."

Remus Lupin's eyes grew large. "How did you manage to find that out, Padfoot?"

"I was nearby when they got into their little professorial shouting-match. It was pretty good. Most impressive, in fact. McGonagall accused him of harboring Dark wizards and he told her that he could mind his own House without her interference."

"Hah," Pettigrew barked with a grin. "Sorry I missed it." He lay back and closed his eyes.

---------

Fifteen minutes later, nearby shouting jolted him out of his drowsy reverie. Peter's eyes flew open, revealing the sight of Padfoot and Slitherus Snapped, their angry faces nearly touching. It looked like they had perhaps been fighting as well. He watched Remus Lupin jump up to try to push the two boys apart. It appeared that the other students had escaped the deepening shade of the late afternoon for the brightness and warmth of indoors.

And then, Pettigrew had followed his eye to something on the ground.

It was almost too good to be true.

Peter looked over and saw a wand lying in the grass.

It was Snivelly's wand.

Shrieking in triumph, Pettigrew launched himself over and on top of it. In an instant, both boys saw what had happened; Snape was just a wee bit slower than Black, however. Jerking his own wand out of his sleeve, the handsome Gryffindor murmured a few words and swung his arm forward like a pendulum, catching Snape under the chin and yanking him bodily off the ground. The boy flew backward in an arc, landing somewhere near the very center of the lake, now as dark grey as the sky it reflected. Pettigrew heard Black's shout of triumph and an answering cry of alarm from Lupin. Peter couldn't quite hear all the conversation in the ensuing confusion.

"– can't swim, Padfoot – "

"Oh, who the hell cares?" Sirius Black snarled back, his harsh tone causing Moony to blink in disbelief. "I'm going inside to eat. You'll either join me, or – you won't." He balefully fixed Lupin with his dark eye. Peter Pettigrew sprang up onto his feet at once, of course, and now playfully punched the athlete's hard bicep in jest.

"Are you coming or not, Moony?" Black hissed.

With an uncomfortable memory flashing him back to when he'd taken on Black to save Snape once before, Remus Lupin stood stock-still, wavering between wanting to help that Slytherin freak and wanting to keep the best friends he'd ever had.

"He's a fish, isn't he?" Black argued.

Reluctantly, Lupin picked up his things and followed Black and Pettigrew into the Great Hall.

-----------


	4. Black as Pitch

Chapter 4 - Black as Pitch

_NO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

That one word echoed through Severus Snape's mind as his body hit the dark water with a crack. He winced at the impact and then felt himself sinking.

Sinking.

He would drown.

And then –

Something within made him raise his arms and then pull them down sharply. Perhaps it was an atavistic memory from Professor McGonagall's brief transformation, or it was –

_No I will NOT drown --!_

Something else. The boy had tapped into his boundless anger, and his body instinctively reacted to preserve his life. Storm-bands of rage coursed through his being in shockwaves of empowerment.

_Yes_

_Yes, I like this._

_I feel – powerful._

Severus felt his body stream upward, the cold water smooth against his body, and felt his face break the surface.

--------------

It was only a minute later that Severus Snape burst through the doors of the Great Hall, eyes burning with deadly fire and fury pulsing through his thin frame.

In the split second before he located Sirius Black, Severus realized that he was comfortable feeling this way. Very comfortable. And why not? If his guardian and mentor wanted him to become a Death Eater, then he'd better learn to take a Death Eater's revenge.

He went right for Black. Sirius had just sat there watching him come with a clueless expression on his handsome face. The few times that Snivelly actually had the stones to hit him back, the Gryffindor had pounded him right into the Hospital Wing. Before Remus Lupin even had a chance to warn him Severus had Sirius by the throat, throttling him with a force of accumulated humiliation and shame. Both students crashed to the floor and the fight was on.

The Headmaster stood up, ready because his own Dark magic detectors had sounded shortly before the Slytherin boy's arrival in the Great Hall.

The assembled students stood or craned their necks to see. They had all seen the "greasy git" angry before, but not like this. The poisonous swirls of Dark magic sliding off the Slytherin boy like tendrils of black ink in water made several of the more sensitive pupils throw up what they'd just eaten.

Sirius Black did his best to fight back, but found his own spells confounded by those thrown by Snape. The Slytherin enjoyed feeling the curses bubble up from deep from within, shimmering their way from his soul into his fingertips and wand. Snivelly was Dark, all right.

He was black, in fact. Black as pitch. Severus giggled at the ironic turn of phrase.

"SEVERUS!" pulsed a voice inside his head.

It was Father.

"Child! Listen to me!"

_Ignore it. Fight._

"SEVERUS, YOU MUST STOP!"

He would not! He was not a coward!

"YOU MUST NOT PRACTICE THE DARK ARTS HERE AT THE SCHOOL!"

Sev would not back down, and to prove it he cast a particularly vicious maiming charm that sent Sirius Black into mindless screaming within seconds. If he could only remember the one that twisted its victim's intestines into knots –!

Severus felt two hands on his shoulders. Instinctively, he dropped down to his heels and twisted his body like he had when escaping from his father. The two hands merely lowered along with him, remaining gently yet firmly on his bony shoulders.

Easy, child

No 

You must stop

NO! 

Incantatus Wakefield, the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, came on the run from the Head Table, followed by Rubeus Hagrid. Before they could reach them, Albus cast an invisibility spell around the two boys and then immobilized them.

NO FATHER 

Yes

WANT TO KILL HIM! 

Easy

LET ME GO! 

Calm down Son

Visible now, both boys felt themselves being pushed beyond the double doors of the Great Hall and outside. Within moments, Sirius was freed from Snape's hexes and was sent hurrying with Hagrid to the Infirmary. Professor Wakefield stood swollen with disapproval, his lip curling at the lunatic student now held immobilized by the Headmaster.

Albus raised his head. "Run along, won't you, Professor? You can finish your dessert and tea while I talk with Mr. Snape."

His eyes widening at the perceived insult – after all, it should be the D.A.D.A. teacher who should go about reversing the boy's Dark enchantments – the teacher whirled on his heel, leaving Albus and Severus still crouched on the ground at the bottom of the cold marble steps.

Professor Wakefield re-entered the Great Hall and noted the greater calm almost immediately. Without a spectacle to distract them from their mutton chops and twice-baked potatoes, the students had gone back to eating, the room filling once more with the persistent murmur of a thousand children talking all at once.

-----------

Within moments, Severus found himself in the Headmaster's study.

Reminding himself to ask Dumbledore just how he'd pulled that off despite the ban on Apparation at Hogwarts, the boy sat quietly a moment before he spoke. "Don't scold me, Father," Severus said. "I was only taking advantage of the latest opportunity to appear more vengeful than ever against the Maraudiots. It was just the latest link of a chain I'll forge to convince everyone that I hate everything Gryffindor enough to go over to Voldemort."

Albus wiped his forehead with a pocket-handkerchief. "Well," he sighed. "I suppose you're right, my boy. We won't know the final event that will turn you into a Death Eater until it happens, of course. But I must admit that your tearing into Sirius Black during dinner – sopping wet, your eyes flaming with hate, and immediately hitting him with a half-dozen Dark hexes – had the desired effect."

Sev looked up at Albus' face. "Can we just forget about it, then?"

"No, child," the Headmaster replied. "I need to give you some sort of egregiously unfair punishment now, don't I? To show my bias against Slytherin House in general and you in particular?"

Severus moaned. "I was hoping you'd forget about that part."

Dumbledore clapped his hands together once and a House Elf appeared.

"Is you hungry, Headmaster sir and little Silvery Snake?"

"Yes, thank you, Ilse. Why don't you bring us a tray of poppyseed cakes, some butterscotch fudge, and at least five different kinds of ice cream. Surprise us, won't you?"

With a happy nod of her head, the little mite Disapparated and was back in less than ten seconds.

"Well, at least you won't have the Heavy Hand of the Headmaster descending upon you like Doom without having a full stomach," Albus said to the smiling Slytherin boy. "Right?"

"As rain! I like this butterscotch stuff almost as much as the divinity!"

"You're a halfway decent actor too, child. Make sure everybody thinks you were all but tortured in here instead of lounging around stuffing your face with sweets."

"Mmmrph," Severus replied, stuffing two pieces of fudge into his mouth at once.

---------

The circumstances surrounding The Punishment of Severus Snape were the hot topic of the following morning's breakfast.

"I heard him yelling that he hated the Headmaster," a Ravenclaw solemnly declared to her friends. "He said he hated his guts and he didn't care if he was thrown out of Hogwarts because he had a better place to go anyway."

A nearby roommate leaned forward confidentially. "Durmstrang, you know," she hissed.

"Oh, really? Oooh! Snape really is going bad, isn't he?" said another.

"Well, he IS a Slytherin, after all."

"Thus spake the Clueless twins," growled Artemisia Vox, doing her best to quash the impulse to transfigure them into a pair of Tibetan yaks.

"Most of them go bad just because they – I don't have the right phrase for it – "

A Ravenclaw Seventh-Year boy leaned over and caught her attention.  
"Because they have the propensity for it, you little goose."

"Oh, get stuffed, Malcolm," the girl replied, spreading butter on her muffin.

"Today should be interesting in the Defense Against the Dark Arts class

we share with Slytherin," Malcolm Coolidge continued, having caught everyone's ear. "I'll listen for any more juicy Snips tidbits. Maybe he'll go off on the teacher today and transfigure him into a Lethifold or something!"

"Maybe," yet another Ravenclaw commented. "Would you pass the pumpkin juice, please?"

"Or maybe something stronger so I can get this incessant whiny yammering out of my ears?" added Adonia Vox.

----------

The astonishing thing had happened later that day when Snape was in the library.

He had just returned from taking a hot shower; the cold waters of the lake had set a chill in his bones that was difficult to quell. The ends of his hair were still damp, in fact. He was concentrating on his Charms Seminar notes when Evan Ryper took the seat next to his, sliding his books along the tabletop until they rested against Snape's.

"Working hard or hardly working, Snips?" Evan asked with his usual grin when a Sixth-Year Gryffindor girl named Asenath Paroo suddenly got up from her seat and sprinted over to them. She grabbed Sev's face, tilted it up, and then kissed him full on the mouth. She then turned and raced down the Magickal World racks, giggling madly.

"What the Hells?" Evan gasped, not believing what he'd seen.

Severus, of course, sat in a pleasant fog that made him want to giggle madly himself. Could it be that the Gryffindor girl had overcome her shyness to show the object of her crush how irresistible he was?

Snape wondered if it was the fight with Black that impressed her; girls liked that sort of thing. After all, one couldn't have a girlfriend if one was a big sniveling baby. The thought cheered him. He felt a bit of a thrill racing through him and a smile appeared on his usually emotionless face.

The best he could hope for is that Sirius Black was sweet on her, and that her spontaneous show of affection for Snape was just another proverbial twist of the knife.

----------

Still panting from exertion, Asenath met the Marauders behind the Potions section.

"Five galleons, please," she whispered, holding out her palm.

"All right. I suppose you more than earned it," snickered Sirius Black, his left eye still as bruised as his pride.

----------


	5. Hearts and Flowers

**Chapter 5 – Hearts and Flowers**

**Severus had gone around all day in a cheerful haze. He had gone to dinner in a cheerful haze. He had faced the good-natured ribbing of his Slytherin House brothers when they all turned in for the night, and he then fell asleep in a cheerful haze. **

**It seemed that everyone in the student body knew that Asenath Paroo had kissed Severus Snape in the library. ****Everyone knew – including Lily Evans. **

**It was at breakfast the next day that James told her that it had all been a prank.**

**"Sirius Black! You are horrible!" the redhead shrieked, causing heads to turn toward the Gryffindor table. "I don't believe you! That is downright evil!"**

**Sirius shrugged and pointed to his black eye. "Face it, Lily. He came barreling in here like the skinny little psycho he is and attacked me. He attacked me for no good reason. It wasn't as if I was going to leave him in the lake, you know."**

**"No," Lily spat. "You were going to check on him after you got through stuffing your face at dinner. What were you going to look for, a floating corpse?"**

**"Nah," Peter Pettigrew chimed in. "The squid woulda eaten him first!"**

**"Shut up, Peter," said James.**

**"Shut up, Peter," said Lily. "I wasn't even talking to you. I'm so happy Sev learned to swim at some point. You were very lucky not to end up standing trial for murder, Sirius Black! I wish Martis Vox were still around. Remember what she did to Sonia Stellamaris when she dissed Sev?"**

**Sirius was unimpressed by Lily's hissy-fit and ignored her question. "Hey," he asked his fellow Marauders (and Lily was not an official member, after all, which was his little way of excluding her from the rest of the conversation). "Remember when we dumped a bucket load of crap on Snivelly's head during First-Year?"**

**Remus shifted nervously in his seat.**

**"That was sick, Sirius!" Lily hissed, making certain Sirius knew she was still in the conversation. "You were lucky he didn't curse you into oblivion!"**

**"That _was_ pretty bad, Padfoot," James added.**

**"You liked it at the time," Sirius said with a sour expression.**

**"I thought that was just great," Peter said, grinning.**

**"Shut up, Peter," said James and Lily simultaneously.**

**----------**

**It was the Gryffindor-Slytherin joint Potions class with Professor Sejanus Sartoris. **

**Severus Snape was already very nervous and unhappy because the Marauders had been working on him all period. He really didn't need anyone telling him how ugly he was, or how big his nose was, or how his parents never came to see him. He resolved to not let them get to him and so was busy around the cauldron he shared with Evan Ryper, wearing his usual emotionless expression. Inside he was dying just a little bit more, but he'd never let them have the satisfaction of knowing.**

**"Severus, go fetch some supplies from Herbology. Is your quill ready?"**

**"Yes, Professor Sartoris." Severus grabbed a scrap piece of parchment and looked up at him expectantly.**

**"Yeeeeees, Professor Sartorrrrrris. I'm just the biggest suuuuuuuuck-up in Hogwarts hisssssssssstory," James Potter said in a loud stage whisper.**

**"He chose Snivelly because he could just slither right up there in no time," Sirius Black added.**

**"I can't wait!" Peter Pettigrew said.**

**"Shut your head, Wormtail," Sirius whispered.**

**"You might spoil the surprise," James added quietly.**

**"What surprise?" said Remus Lupin. **

**"Coltsfoot—Mullein leaves—fresh, if she's got them—Shavegrass, Comfrey. We also need Eucalyptus pods—pods, Mr. Snape, not those dratted berries!" said Professor Sartoris as Severus scribbled away. "No, wait! I might have the Coltsfoot! Would you go check, please?"**

**Severus nodded, and then made his way to the side room that held the Potions equipment and ingredients.**

**"Three—two—one," Sirius hissed. His grin was feral, almost predatory.**

**Severus opened the door and unknowingly terminated the charm which held a large bucket of fresh sheep dung suspended over the entrance. It had been charmed by Sirius and James so that it would only tip if Snape opened the door.**

**Within seconds, the Slytherin boy felt something warm splatter on his head and run down his robes. Instinctively, he closed his eyes. When the smell hit him, he knew. Unable to move, Severus stood still, trying to quell the waves of panic that threatened to break his usual yet fragile stoicism.**

**The bucket then fell, hitting Snape on the back of his bent head. He wasn't knocked out, but the shock of its impact buckled his knees and he fell to the floor.**

**"What in holy tarnal hells happened?" Professor Sartoris cried, rushing over to assist his best pupil. "Who did this?"**

**Silence.**

**"Severus! Are you all right?"**

**The boy was still too stunned to reply. He said nothing, keeping his eyes squeezed shut. His head hurt but he was too proud to cry over it.**

**Sartoris waved his wand and cleaned up the bulk of the mess. He rolled Severus over and stretched him out on the floor. Severus said nothing, and only lay there perfectly still. "I'll get you to the Hospital Wing, Mr. Snape," he said, and then realized that he couldn't leave his classroom unattended. Without missing a beat, he strode over to the fireplace and threw in a handful of floo powder. "Hagrid's hut, please," he said.**

**Within a few seconds the large and friendly face of the half-giant appeared. **

**"Wha' can I do fer ye, Professor?" he said.**

**"I have a student who needs to be taken to the Infirmary, and I cannot leave my classroom. Can you drop by and take care of it for me?"**

**Hagrid nodded, then disappeared from the fireplace. Within two minutes, he entered the room. He noted that some of the students were snickering and laughing, and others were silent and angry. "What th' deuce ha' happened, Perfessor?" he said, spotting the man crouching next to a prone student.**

**"One of our students has been the butt of a practical joke, Mr. Hagrid," Sartoris said sternly. "Although as you can see, there is nothing funny about it. The bucket hit him in the back of the head. He's quite dizzy, so I think you'll have to carry him."**

**"Pleased ta help ye," Rubeus said, bending down. "Ah, it's poor little Sev'rus, isn't it?" Without a moment of hesitation, the big man scooped up the boy in his arms. Severus reached over and clutched Hagrid's robe. Both were out the door in a trice, and up to the Infirmary just a short while later. **

**Poppy had rushed over to tend to her young patient who was conscious and talking, at least. "Hold still, dear. Let me take a look at that bump on your head." She followed her brief examination with a healing charm that took down the swelling. "You're quite befouled, however. Let me get a bath ready and Mr. Hagrid can help you."**

**"No," Severus said, reaching out and clutching her apron.**

**"Never you mind, Mr. Snape. I'll go get it ready. Mr. Hagrid, why don't you help him?" She conjured a privacy curtain that wrapped itself around the gamekeeper and the boy on the cot.**

**"Can ye sit up, lad?" Hagrid said. He helped the boy sit up and pulled the dirty robe over his head.**

**"Woah," Severus said in a small voice. "Dizzy, yet."**

**"Poppy'll have ye all fixed up soon, Sev'rus. Let me get that nasty shirt off ye, anyway."**

**Severus clutched it tightly at his throat. "No," he said. "Can't do that."**

**Rubeus Hagrid was a kind and patient soul, and tried to wait the boy out. It was after several minutes that he realized that his ploy wouldn't work. "Come on, lad. Over th' head with it!"**

**Severus shook his head vehemently and curled up so that his knees met his chin. "Can't."**

**Poppy had come barreling back by this time, and saw that the patient was nowhere near ready. She pulled out her wand and whispered a charm that relaxed Sev's grip. The shirt pulled neatly off him, only hooking its owner slightly by the nose on its way up and off. Severus moaned, and reached for a blanket before either adult could see him.**

**"Severus, what's the matter?" the nurse said. "Is it your father again, child?"**

**"I dunna understan', Poppy," Hagrid said. He took the blanket from the boy, who immediately jumped off the bed and took off.**

**"Oh, no you don't, young man!" Madam Pomfrey said, whipping out her wand and reciting a charm that held the boy's feet to the floor as if his shoes had been made of lead.**

**"No," Severus said, who to his great horror then burst into tears. "Please. Don't look at me!"**

**Poppy strode over to him and examined the bruises on his back and sides. **

**"Damn him," she growled. **

**Hagrid looked at her in utter astonishment. "We aren't a-supposed ta use oaths in front of the young 'uns, Poppy!" he said. **

**He came over and looked at the child's back. Severus was terrified and shivering, whether with cold or from fear he could not tell.**

**"His father beats him, Hagrid," Poppy said, reaching into a nearby cabinet for some healing salve. "I've sent reports to the Ministry, but they ignore them."**

**"Th' Headmaster know?"**

**"He does. And he has even spoken to Severus' father, to no avail. Damn him twice!"**

**Hagrid reached over and reached out to embrace the trembling and embarrassed child. "It's all roight, lad," he said.**

**"He won't let you touch him, Rubeus," Poppy said. **

**To her great surprise, however, Severus once again grabbed the big man's robes and buried his face in the space between the half-giant's neck and shoulder. He began to cry again; Hagrid gingerly returned the hug, afraid that he would put painful pressure on one of the boy's bruises. **

**"S' all roight," he said quietly. "Nobody's gunna hurt you here, Sev'rus."**

**The boy raised his head. "That's not true," he said, wiping his streaming eyes.**

**"Well, if they do, they'll have to deal with Rubeus Hagrid!"**

**Severus smiled, and then rested against the gamekeeper's barrel chest. Hagrid picked him up and carried him over to the tub. Of course, Severus had been worried that Poppy might see him unclothed, and so he let Hagrid help him. **

**"Ow," he gasped. "The hot water makes the sore spots sting!"**

**"Did ye say yer father did this to ye?"**

**"I didn't say," Snape replied, hanging his head. Hagrid busied about him, putting some shampoo in his ham-sized hands and washing his hair gently.**

**Poppy came back, and Severus jumped. **

**"Don't be silly, child," she said, "I'm not looking at you. I just spoke with the Headmaster and he would like you to write down what happened so we can protect you against – your father, I guess. With the Marauders picking on you, it's difficult to tell."**

**"Can't do that," Severus said, now in a tight ball in the tub. "I can't."**

**Hagrid poured some warm water over the little patient's head until the water ran clear. "Ye must, Sev'rus. Yer father belongs in Azkaban fer doin' that to ye, in my own humble o-pinion."**

**He helped the boy out of the tub. Poppy tended to his bruises, and then let Hagrid get him into a pair of warm flannel pajamas. Poppy drew her wand and dried his hair. Hagrid carried the exhausted boy over to a vacant bed and tucked him in. **

**"There, lad," he said, noting that tears were running down the sides of Sev's face. He took out his own pocket-handkerchief – roughly the size of the bathmat – and dabbed them away before they pooled in his ears. The large man then dabbed away his own tears.**

**"I can't," Severus replied. "I just can't do it – "**

**He left the sentence unfinished as his eyes closed. His right hand clung to Hagrid once again. He was very stressed and exhausted. He also knew these kind people would never understand his father and the way it was at Snape Manor.**

**A verse ran its way through his head, as random thoughts often do. It had popped into his head a few minutes ago while he was being entreated to help Hogwarts prosecute his father. The verse was the one that his father made him copy over and over as punishment, hundreds of times, even when his fingers were so swollen he could no longer hold the quill:**

_**"By word or by deed**_

_**I promise you'll see**_

_**What the word pain can mean**_

_**If you betray me."**_

**----------**

**Lily made a point of staying as close as she could to Severus Snape.**

**They were walking to Transfiguration when Sev saw Asenath coming toward them. Lily looked at him.**

**He was smiling – not one of his tight sardonic smirks, but a true smile. He was actually halfway handsome! His eyes sparkled and he greeted her with a nod.**

**She nodded back at him, gave a passing nod to Lily, and then collapsed in a paroxysm of giggles onto her best friend's shoulder.**

**"Sev?" Lily said. "All right, then?" He was still smiling and quite cute, she thought.**

**In fact, he was too cute for Lily to break his heart by telling him the truth.**

**She ducked her head and herded him on to class.**

**-----------**

**After class was over, the students headed toward the Great Hall for lunch. It was then that Lily caught sight of Asenath, and she strode over to her.**

**"Asenath Paroo!" Lily Evans hissed. "What do you mean by it? Severus Snape is a friend of mine, and I won't have you making him feel bad! Are you that hard up for ready cash to hurt one of my friends?"**

**Asenath didn't want to tell anyone that she liked the kiss very much. The boy's hair was soft and warm, and his lips were as well. She was a bit of a loner and wondered what it would be like to have a real boyfriend, especially a Seventh-Year. However, the young man in question was not only a geek and a Slytherin, but he was also crazy and a Dark wizard to boot. No – Mum and Dad wouldn't care for him at all. Asenath tried to put his warm mouth and silky hair out of her mind.**

**"Oh, relax, Lily," she said. "It was just a joke. It's not that I would even consider going with a Slytherin in the first place. I won't lead him on or anything."**

**"Did you see his face when he saw you?" Lily replied, exasperated and full of worry over her Dark friend. "He was smiling. Do you know how rare that is? He rarely even cracks a grin. You made him happy, and he's going to find out it was all a joke and you'd just better hope and pray that he doesn't have a breakdown or anything."**

**Asenath's eyes widened. "Oh, gods," she said. "I didn't think of that. You don't really think he'd go off and drink poison again, or something like that?"**

**Lily frowned at her as they entered the Great Hall. "I don't know," she admitted. "But you'd better be nice to him. What a mess you've created!"**

**Asenath frowned. "It was Sirius Black's idea, anyway. I saw no harm in it at the time."**

**Lily sneered at her and shook her head.**

**------------**

**The girls had just finished filling their plates when a mail owl flew into the Great Hall. It was one of the school owls, an old grizzled soul the students had named Methuselah. He flew directly over Lily and Asenath and dropped a large wrapped package. Neither girl successfully caught it; instead, it landed in the middle of a large salad bowl. Asenath quickly picked it out and used her napkin to rid it of a tomato slice and a bit of onion.**

**"What's this?" she whispered, finding her name on the little envelope.**

**Several of the Sixth-Year girls scooted over to see what it was. "Open it!" one of them cried. ****Asenath did so, and found her arms filled with red roses. She gasped.**

**"Read the card!" yet another Gryffindor student told her. ****She opened the little envelope and read the message:**

_**These flowers are just my way to say**_

_**Thank you so much for making my day.**_

_**Best,**_

_**Severus Snape**_

**"Oh, Asenath," Lily intoned. "What on Earth have you done?"**


	6. Mirabile Dictu!

Chapter 6 – Mirabile Dictu

Asenath Paroo was a wreck.

She had accepted Sirius Black's offer because there was a cloak she fancied at the Witchy Wow shop in Hogsmeade, and she had been saving up for it. It was purple and gold; not very Gryffindor but very Asenath. Her parents had named her after a character in a H.P. Lovecraft story, after all.

Lily Evans' words had shamed her to the soul, and she was genuinely concerned about hurting Snape's feelings. Why had she done it? She lay on her bed, crying periodically. When her roommates came in to get their books, she pretended to be asleep. She knew she never could wear the cloak in good conscience. What should she do?

And then it came to her.

------------

Severus Snape's roommates were concerned because Sev had been in the habit of sending roses to Britomartis Vox during her last year at Hogwarts. Did this mean that the Slytherin boy had given up all hope? After all, he had never heard from her again. They all knew he grieved deeply for her and had never been the same since.

Severus had always longed for a girlfriend, of course – something he thought he'd never have on account of his unfortunate looks and his shady upbringing. It was difficult for him to realize that he had loved Spirals and had never told her; however, Martis Vox was gone from his life and had been for some time. Snape figured that she'd found a boyfriend at Beauxbatons – some handsome guy who wouldn't get tongue-tied or embarrassed or hide behind his hair or be called a greasy little git.

Martis was Martis – and Asenath was definitely Asenath.

Martis was gone; Asenath was at hand, and she had kissed him!

In the three days that had passed after he had given her the roses, Severus had taken pains to wash his hair several times a day just in case he should run into her and just in case she should want to – touch it. Or touch him. Or whatever she could be talked into doing.

Sev smiled as he recalled an applicable phrase from his Latin class:

Mirabile dictu!

How wondrous to behold!

-------------

It was Seventh-Year Potions class. The Marauders (well, half of them, anyway) were inordinately happy because this was the glorious day when Sirius Black would tell Severus Snape that he had been set up. James Potter had had wanted no part of it and Remus Lupin had been ambivalent. That had left Black and Peter Pettigrew, who was thrilled to spasms at the prospect of seeing Snivellus getting it in the teeth again.

"Best five galleons I ever spent," Black said, beaming. "Watch this."

He waited until Professor Sartoris was otherwise engaged and then tiptoed over to Severus, who was by himself laboring over a steaming cauldron.

"Hey Snotnose."

Severus gave a growl of disgust and annoyance. "What do you want, Black? A doggy biscuit?"

"Oh, and hasn't Snivelly the Snake-Boy gotten high and mighty since he became the big ladies' man! Well, guess what, Twitchy?"

"Oh, what? Pray, tell me! I am so unbelievably riveted to your every word!" Snape replied, sneering.

Heads began to turn as Black's voice rose. "I paid that girl five galleons to kiss you! It was all a prank! She told me later that she'd rather kiss the backside of a Hippogriff!"

That latter part wasn't true, but Black was on a roll.

Severus suppressed the jab of hurt that went through his heart. He knew that all eyes were on him as well. "I thought backsides were your specialty, Black."

Students around him cried "WoooooOOOO!" in admiration.

"That was pretty good, Sev," Lily Evans laughed. James Potter, who was partnering Lily in the lab, grinned his approval.

"You know what, Slime-Mold?" Black spat.

"Oh, gods, he's been reading biology books again," Sev announced. "He must have learned to read over the summer. Wonder if he found out where babies come from?"

Black felt his face heat up with embarrassment. "Asi told me that she had to rub her lips raw with rock salt to get rid of that nasty, slimy feel of snake lips!"

"Snakes don't have lips, you stupid git," Sev replied, adding just the proper amount of pulverized Sargasso Sea grass. "Go treat yourself to a nice flea dip, you mangy cur."

"Sev's certainly crushed, isn't he?" joshed Lily, sniggering at Sirius Black.

"Utterly," James replied. "Do me the honor, Redheaded Goddess, and stir this mess while I add this tincture of monkwort?"

-------------

Severus reflected on Black's words later that day. They had certainly hurt; he was fortunate to have what Muggles called a "poker-face" so that no one could see it. The Marauder prank had fed right into the Slytherin boy's bottomless well of self-hatred.

His face burned with shame when he thought about crossing paths with Asenath Paroo again. Should he hex her?

He had sought out Lily's counsel.

"Forget it, Sev," Lily had said, comforting him. "Asi hasn't even had a real boyfriend since she came to Hogwarts. You must not be missing much!"

------------

Asi and Sev's paths literally crossed the very next day. Severus had been heading to Potions class, and Asenath had been going to the Owlery to send a note home to her mum.

The girl's sea-green eyes widened when she saw Severus. A hesitant hand went up over her mouth.

The Slytherin looked at her, his eyes cold. "You are disgusting," he spat. "Hope you spent that money on a conscience."

Asi's other hand flew to her mouth. "Oh, Severus – I'm so sorry – "And then she ran over, threw her arms around him, and kissed him again. "Oh – forgive me please – "

Mirabile dictu!

Snape relished the feel of warm girl in his arms, a warm girl who began kissing him from the base of his throat right on up to his extremely warm lips (where hers lingered a while) and then around to his ears. Would he forgive her?

Of course he would.

And because he was starved for human contact and because she smelled delicious and because he was a teenage boy, Severus allowed her to continue kissing him.

Encouraged it, in fact.

------------

Sirius Black returned to the library and found five galleons resting atop his stack of textbooks.

------------

Over the next several weeks, Severus and Asenath took advantage of any spare time in their respective schedules to meet inside the utility closet outside the Potions Lab. They managed to talk, to be sure, but the lion's share of their time together was spent snogging. Neither knew much about it, but practice meant perfect so practice they did.

Both were comfortable with the secrecy implicit in their relationship. Severus had realized that he would have to drop her later this year along with his other Gryffindor friends; he would just have to bear it along with the loss of James and Lily. Asenath had figured her parents wouldn't be too happy about their daughter dating a future Death Eater. Some thought Sev was funny-looking as well, but she loved his aquiline nose and his now always-clean and always-silky long hair.

It didn't matter. The two students were making each other happy, at least for a while.

And Sirius Black began thinking of all the nasty ways he could badmouth Miss Asenath Paroo, who was plainly a disgrace to the House of Gryffindor and probably should have been Sorted into the Snake Pit in the first place.


	7. Out of the Closet

Chapter 7 – Out of the Closet

Sirius Black's mood was as dark as his surname. For three weeks now, he had lain cheek to jowl with the fact that his prank on Slithery Snake-boy had blown up right in his face. He feared that Snape and Asenath Paroo were conspiring together to prank him in a highly embarrassing and possibly painful manner. "Like Snips and Spirals-with-half-a-brain," Sirius had thought, shuddering.

He had sent Pettigrew out on reconnaissance duty.

"Well, they sort of ignore each other mostly but at particular times of the day, they both walk toward the Potions Lab from different directions and slip into Filch's utility closet, first one and then the other. They stay in there a long while. Long enough for me to get really bored and hungry. I missed lunch yesterday!"

Black eyed him with disdain. "Some Secret Agent Man you'd be, Wormtail. Honestly! They are plotting some sort of big retaliatory strike on me – or us!"

"Us?" echoed Peter, worried, with memories of Snips and Spirals going round in his head.

"Perhaps us, Wormtail. You did a good job. I'll take it from here."

-----------

It was another two weeks before Sirius believed the time was right to unmask the conspirators. Just a short time ago he had watched Snivelly scoot down the hall – look both ways (Sirius wore Potter's invisibility cloak) – and then slip inside the closet. A few minutes later, Asenath Traitorous Wench Paroo had come from the other direction, had given a sly glance either way, and had opened the door, disappearing from view.

Black waited. He didn't hear much except for Asi's giggling. He supposed that the two conspirators were whispering.

Sirius recalled a line from his Latin classes:

_Alea Iacta Est._

The Die is Cast!

Good.

Fine.

So be it!

---------

Sirius made his way to Assistant Headmistress McGonagall's office and knocked smartly on the door.

"Coom in!" Minerva said in her thick Scotch accent. She was drinking something that the Seventh-Year Gryffindor thought was alcohol (in fact, it was her daily knock or so of double malt).

He entered.

"Weel, Mr. Black? What brings you here?"

Sirius dipped his head in what he thought was a humble manner. "Well, it seems that Miss Paroo and Mr. Snape are plotting to play a nasty trick on me. And further, they're doing so during class time!"

Professor McGonagall sniffed and dabbed at her face with a lace hanky with a large "M" embroidered on it. "And I take it, Mr. Black, that you have taken it upon yourself to miss class in order for me to remedy the situation?"

"Well, I had to, ma'am. In fact, I know where they are."

Minerva sighed, transfiguring her glass into a clear plastic paperweight with sparkles in it. Thanking her merciful heavens that the boy hadn't seen it, she would be sure to transfigure it back into something more aesthetically pleasing upon her return.

-------

The two made their way down into the Dungeons, walking past classrooms with students in them and storage closets of every size and type. Minerva half suspected that most of them hadn't been cleaned since the Renaissance, but that was neither here nor there.

"Here they are," Sirius said in a solemn tone. "I believe they've locked the door to avoid being caught skipping class."

"Thank you, Mr. Black, but I believe I can successfully handle a locked utility closet door." Wearing a little moue of annoyance on her face, she withdrew her wand and said "Alohamora" in an authoritative tone.

The door swung open.

Sirius Black was the first to look in. He gasped, shrieked as loud as a firebell, and then stepped away.

Opening the door wider, Minerva had a look for herself, and then the real screaming began.

"O_H MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU MEAN BY IT YOU TWO DIRTY LITTLE BEASTS ????????????"_

Neither Professor McGonagall's nor Sirius Black's respective shrieks rivaled the twin wails of horror which came from the lips of Severus Snape, Slytherin, and Asenath Paroo, Gryffindor.

By this time, Sirius Black was lying facedown on the floor, kicking his feet and shrieking with laughter. Upon hearing the din, Professor Sartoris darted from his classroom into the hall with at least twenty-five students trailing him like the wake behind a ship.

Severus was able to reach out with his bare arm and slam the door shut before the Seventh-Year Potions Seminar students streamed into the hall.

-----------

While Mr. Snape had been sent to cool his heels in Professor Penderdandis' office and Miss Paroo taken to the Infirmary (due to her ceaseless crying), Minerva told the Headmaster what had happened.

Albus Dumbledore had so wholly given into his fit of hysterical laughter that McGonagall almost went for her smelling salts. "They – (laughter) – were (laughter) _in_ _flagrante delicto_, as the (laughter) Latin scholars (laughter) say? Oh my word! (laughter) (laughter) (laughter) (laughter) (laughter)"

Minerva looked at him waspishly. "You may well laugh now, Albus, but as Head of House I had to contact Miss Paroo's parents about the matter. This is a serious infraction of the school rules, as you well know! Expulsion may be called for!"

"Oh, Minerva," the Headmaster said, still weak from the best fit of laughter he'd had in years. "I think not. Neither child – "(and Albus emphasized his use of the word) "– has had any vast experience of the opposite sex. They are innocents!"

"INNOCENTS?" Minerva McGonagall shrieked. "Good gods, Albus, you should have seen them!"

"– I think you know what I mean. I think the worst of it for both of them was getting caught. I can pretty much assure you that they won't find themselves in a similar situation again."

There was a sudden pounding at the Headmaster's door. Minerva unlatched it with some misgivings. In strode an irate Semperus Paroo and his lovely wife Serafina, trailed by their hysterically crying daughter.

"Oh dear," Albus said. "Won't you have a seat?" He offered the wailing Miss Paroo a lemon drop.

--------

It was one full hour later that the three left, leaving the two Hogwarts professors exhausted.

Mr. and Mrs. Paroo had demanded to know (a) whether the boy forced their Little Girl (no), (b) whether he had any communicable diseases (no), (c) whether the boy was really from Slytherin House (yes), (d) whether he was a Dark wizard (no), (e) whether he made her drink a potion (no), (f) whether their daughter was in a family way (he earnestly hoped not), and (g) whether the young whelp would be expelled from the school (of course not).

Mr. Paroo then demanded to meet Snape's parents. Albus explained that both were unavailable and that he, in fact, was the young man's guardian. The Paroos both wondered how the Headmaster could have tolerated such a deceitful and nasty boy. Albus defended Severus, telling them that he was totally trustworthy and that he was proud of him.

"Proud of his defiling an innocent young girl?" Paroo shouted. "Where is this paragon of virtue, then?"

Sighing, the Headmaster had sent Minerva to fetch the boy. Shortly thereafter Severus walked in, shoulders curled over, head dropped and eyes down, hair obscuring his face.

_Total shutdown,_ Albus thought. "Severus, these are Asenath's parents."

Sev nodded without looking up.

"Look sharp, boy -- " Paroo declared, getting up and seizing Severus by the front of his robes and pulling him close to his face.

Poor Severus! He panicked, causing all the candles in the room to simultaneously extinguish themselves. Fawkes' stand fell to the floor with a loud clatter. A fine cold mist, shot through with Dark energy, filled the room.

Paroo released him, flinging him away. "By Jove," the man cried, "he's as black as pitch, this one, Dumbledore! I want him expelled, damn it!"

Both Sev and Asi began to cry. They wanted to comfort one another very much, but knew better than to try.

Dumbledore stood. "There, there Mr. Paroo. Kindly take a breath and sit back down, if you would. Thank you very much. While you will of course set punishment for your daughter, I will do the same for Severus. I intend to be fair and unbiased in that regard. Now, I believe that the young lady might want something to eat and may want to have a chat with her mum for a while, so I will bid you a good day, sir."

Paroo stood, grabbing his pointed hat and shoving it on his head backwards. "A good day, he says! A good day! I'm of a mind to visit him with a thousand days as good as this one!" Snuffling into her hanky, Mrs. Paroo took her daughter's shoulders and navigated her out of the room.

The solid wooden door closed with a great clang, and Sev and his guardian were alone.

Neither said anything for a while.

"Severus?" Albus ventured.

Sev had walked around the room and backed himself up against a wall. Moaning, he slid to the floor and covered his face. "Why did I think I was ever good enough to have a girlfriend, Father?" His shameful tears burned his chapped face.

"You are, my boy, but there are better ways to handle such relationships," Dumbledore said quietly, mindful not to shame the boy any further. "You showed disrespect for one another for proceeding in the manner you did."

"She wanted me but she didn't want a – a Slytherin," Sev replied. "So she wanted it to be all hush-hush and secret. She was afraid her parents would find out. And so we had to hide. One thing led to another."

"I know, Son. And by doing that, the young lady unfortunately showed disrespect for you. You are who you are and need not be ashamed of it."

"But you don't even know how it all started!"

"I heard the story of the prank, Severus. I punished Black accordingly."

"What did you do to the nasty git, then? Sent him to bed without supper?"

"No, Severus. I took away his Hogsmeade privileges for the next three months. That hit him harder than any number of detentions. And now I want to talk about you, Son. Are you all right?"

Sev stood up, eyes still downcast. "I suppose so." He sighed. "Professor McGonagall was foul to me when she came to get me. She called me all sorts of names. She treated me like I was some sort of monster."

"I'm surprised. Minerva -- er, Professor McGonagall -- is usually a little more even-tempered."

"It hurt my feelings just the same -- to be called a monster."

"Well, you know you aren't," Headmaster Dumbledore replied. "You were just a young man acting like -- well, a young man!"

Sev nodded.

"I expect that Miss Paroo will be forbidden to see you again, Severus."

"We would have had to part ways when I joined the Death Eaters anyway." The boy wiped his red eyes. "All I wanted was one real girlfriend, Father! I missed my chance with Martis! She never knew how I felt about her!"

"But she will," Albus said only to himself.

"I'm – not ashamed, Father."

"Nor should you be."

Sev's eyes grew wide.

"However, I do want to make sure you understand the risks you took with this young lady. I don't believe that being a father while still a teenager would have -- "

"Would have what, Headmaster?" Severus cried. "Would have given me a family? Oh, the horror! Me and my wife and baby, moving far, far away from here, where nobody could find us!"

Albus stood and walked over to the boy, pulling him into a gentle hug.

Sev began to weep once again. "I would have loved that, Father! I would have loved that so much!"

Dumbledore pulled Severus away at arms' length. "Listen to me, child," he said gravely. "The world is dangerous. Every White wizard and his or her family will lose their lives if Voldemort is successful. I didn't have a family myself because – because, Severus, if your enemies want to kill you, _they will kill your loved ones first!"_

Sev looked into his blue eyes, lost.

"People like you and I cannot afford to have families, Severus. Not until Riddle suffers Eternal punishment."

Sev paced up and down, wringing his hands. "Alone, then," he whispered. "I am destined to be alone. Oh, gods!"

Dumbledore caught his wrists gently. "Not alone, Severus. And not forever. You have me. And you have Hogwarts. You have your potions work, and I have no doubt that you will become a Master of the art in the next few years. In fact, I wondered if you might want to study with Dr. Dhir Prakash in India after you graduate."

"He's Dark, Headmaster," Severus said.

"I know," Albus replied. "Think about it. You'll be staying here for at least part of the summer anyway, taking Legilimency and Occlumency lessons from Shonsey LaChance."

The teenager sighed and sank back into Albus' arms. "Do you still love me?"

"Of course I do, child. Now and always. And – for right now, at least – you're safe and sound."

"Safe and sound", Sev repeated. "Safe and sound, from toe to crown."

Albus smiled. "Stay and have some supper with me -- I always become famished when faced with hysterical parents. Not that they didn't have good reason, young man!"

Sev returned his guardian's hug and sat in an overstuffed damask Victorian chair with a sigh. As he tried to regain control over his emotions and stifled the urge to go find Asenath and run away forever, Albus rang for the House Elves.

--------------


	8. The Idea

Chapter 8 – The Plot

"Not only did your joke backfire," prattled Peter Pettigrew, "but Snivellus actually got his ashes hauled! Oh boy! Wish I'd been in Potions class to see it! Oh boy!"

"That's not helpful, Wormtail," Remus Lupin said gravely, rummaging through his book bag, his face ashen.

"The door was shut again by that time," Sirius said, seething. "McGonagall and I were the only ones to see anything."

Pettigrew leered. "Was – Asi cute with her clothes off?"

"I couldn't see that much of her. I was too much in shock. Now stop your yapping and help me think of a prank to pull on the ugly nasty git!"

"Why aren't you playing a prank on Asenath as well?" Lupin queried, trying to keep the apprehension out of his voice.

"Because she's Gryffindor, Moony," James Potter said. "And her parents told her they'd yank her out of Hogwarts if she so much as spoke to Sev again."

"Sev, is it?" sneered Sirius Black. "Oh, I forgot. You're big buddies now. Not to mention that Snots probably used a Dark spell on her to make her do it. Ugh, it makes my skin crawl to even think about it! Now help me think, the lot of you!"

"I want nothing to do with it," James said. "I've got to go study for my Magickal World exam. See you all later."

All three Marauders watched him go.

"What ever happened to Prongs' backbone?" Pettigrew asked.

"He took the Wizard's Oath with the little slimeball," reminded Sirius. "Neither he nor Lily will do anything to him."

"Oh yeah," said Peter, pulling on a string on the bottom of his robe so that the entire hem unraveled. Once it was of suitable length, Pettigrew smiled. "Want to see me make a cat's cradle?"

"No, you silly git," Sirius spat.

"I feel sick," Remus said.

"Getting to be that time, isn't it?" said Peter, commiserating him.

"Yes – full moon in the next few days. You'll all help me, won't you?" The slender pale boy was hunched over with internal discomfort.

"You know we will, Moony," Sirius said. "We always do."

"Thanks," Lupin said, picking up his schoolbooks and trying to quell the turmoil in his belly.

"Get out of here, the two of you," Sirius said. "I just had an idea." His handsome face formed a sinister smile. "A wonderful, marvelous idea."

The other two turned to leave.

Peter Pettigrew hadn't walked ten feet before he tripped on his robe and fell flat on his flabby face.

-----------

The next few days were full of discomfort for Asenath Paroo and Severus Snape.

Asenath got asked out so many times that she was forced to automatically hex any boy who even began to do so. She withdrew into her studies, ignoring her friends and crying in solitude. She missed Severus, but didn't want to end up at Beauxbatons for her last year. The upshot of it all was that her entire safe world had been turned upside down, and all she wanted to do is lock herself behind closed doors and weep.

Severus, on the other hand, had legions of fellow teenage boys mock-bowing to him wherever he went. This did nothing but mortify him. He seethed at any insult directed toward Asenath, and did more than hex the few boys who were stupid enough to ask for details. He was careful to avoid using his wide lexicon of Dark hexes, however. He wanted to graduate in the spring, after all. He threw himself into his studies, as he always did. Nobody saw him cry because – like Asenath -- he did so only in secret. He was a Seventh-Year, after all.

Albus Dumbledore said nothing further about his transgression, for which Snape was grateful. Sev wondered if Albus had a girlfriend while a student at Hogwarts, but couldn't summon enough courage to ask him.

Professor McGonagall had nothing but sneers and unjust deductions of Slytherin House points for him. Snape took to sitting in the very back of the classroom and hiding behind his hair, trying not to draw her fire. The only person who would talk to him was Remus Lupin, who also favored the back of McGonagall's room. Lupin treated him kindly, and for no good reason. Perhaps it was because the young werewolf knew what it was like to be shunned.

----------

McGonagall had even hauled Snape off to the Headmaster's office a few days before. She had corrected him rather harshly when he had gotten an answer wrong, and he had muttered something under his breath in return. So there he was, seated with his back turned toward the esteemed Headmaster and the esteemed Transfiguration professor, waiting for the axe to fall.

"This boy made a smart remark to me in class, and he refuses to tell me what it was. I expect that he might satisfy my curiosity if you asked him, Headmaster."

"Professor," Albus said in a conciliatory tone. "I'm sure he meant nothing by it. He's been under a lot of stress lately, as you well know."

"It was nothing that he didn't bring upon himself," Minerva snapped, bristling and scowling at Dumbledore. "I told you years ago that this boy is no good. How many detentions has he had since he first came here? It is a figure that boggles the mind! Not to mention the latest outrage! Kindly order this miscreant to tell us what he said to me in class!"

Dumbledore sighed. "Severus," he said, "I want you to repeat what you said to the Professor. You can see for yourself just how upset she is."

His back still towards them, Sev sighed and uttered one word.

"Mighvattis."

"What?" said the two teachers at once.

"_Mighvattis."_

"And what in the name of all that's holy is that, Mr. Snape?" snapped Professor McGonagall.

"It's – _Goblin,"_ Severus replied in a silky and emotionless voice.

"And what does it mean, Severus?" said Headmaster Dumbledore. He knew full well that his child was being deliberately obtuse. _Goblin – great Merlin's ghost!_ Albus would have laughed himself sick if McGonagall wouldn't have immediately snatched him baldheaded.

Severus hesitated, realizing that neither one of them understood what he had said. "It means – enough. That's all. Just – enough."

"Enough of my correcting you, Mr. Snape?" Minerva snapped. "I will do so when you stop your deplorable pattern of disobedience at this school. Headmaster, I want Mr. Snape to serve four detentions cleaning my classroom – without the use of magic. And I want it done perfectly! I deem that a much better use of his time than dragging young girls into closets!"

Albus bit the insides of his cheek to keep himself from braying with laughter, then gave her a sagacious nod. "That is certainly your perogative, Professor McGonagall. Severus, report to detentions at the time and place she gives you. I believe that will be all. Thank you, Professor, for bringing this matter to my attention. Good day!"

Noting that the boy wasn't moving from his chair, the Transfigurations professor sniffed and turned on her heels, striding across the room and slamming the warded doors behind her.

"'_Enough',_ fiddlesticks!" Dumbledore said. "_Mighvattis_ is a well-known expletive, best left untranslated. I myself am fluent in Goblin. Perhaps I hadn't mentioned that to you in our many discussions."

Severus turned in his chair and looked at Dumbledore, his eyes dancing.

"Off with you, child! Attend to your studies and try not to do anything to further inflame Professor McGonagall. She can be as formidable as a dozen Herefordshire blue dragons!"

Grinning, Severus bolted for the door.

-----------

The only Hogwarts Staff member who said anything even halfway positive about Sev's latest transgression was Argus Filch. "Well, boy," he hissed to Severus in the corridor, "Mrs. Norris don't go into that closet any more, being as ye scared all the mice away!" Severus had laughed in spite of himself.

The fact remained, however, that Sev missed Asenath and wished they had classes together.

They had been in the library at the same time, and only once. She looked up at him as her girlfriends prodded her, chiding and warning her. She blew him a kiss. Actually blew him a kiss! She still cared for him! Severus had pretended to catch it as her friends rapidly hustled her out of there, dragging her by her robes and her hair and scolding her all the way for her monumental lack of judgment.

Asenath was so pretty. She had been so precious and so sweet. Not the sort of girl for an ugly and cursed Dark wizard's spawn like him.

Severus pushed a rebellious thought down hard. It was unfair for him to give up his young life for the side of the Light! Couldn't Dumbledore have picked somebody else? But Severus knew in his heart that Dumbledore couldn't have. Sev was perfect for the role. His father, after all, had more or less sold him to the Dark Lord at an early age. He had been born and bred to be Voldemort's acolyte. It was just a matter of time until the dark and dreadful plan of his life came to full fruition.

Young Snape took solace in knowing that although he would act like a Death Eater and do whatever terrible things were expected of him, his heart would remain untouched. Nothing – not maiming or banishment; not torture or the prospect of certain death – would kill his love for his Headmaster. Dumbledore was Light; pure Light -- and one of Sev's deepest unspoken wishes was to be just like him.

The Headmaster had called him his son, and had treated him with such kindness that it nearly had broken Severus' heart. The boy had treasured every moment they spent together. Albus was safety and goodness personified, and he gave the Slytherin boy renewed hope for the future each time they spent time together.

Severus Snape knew – just as surely as he knew how to brew the Draught of the Living Death, even at his young age -- that he would never turn on Dumbledore.

Never.

That being the case, Severus scolded himself harshly every time he thought of running away with Asenath – running away from the humiliation, from the struggle to get out of bed each day, from the nightmares, from being called Snivellus and Twitchy and Mr. Slick and Slimeball and Hatchet Face. His dreams would just have to be put aside for now.

In spite of that, Severus was certain that if he were far away from Dark Lords and the nightmare of his childhood and youth, he would be able to keep a future family safe and sound from anything that might threaten them.

Safe and sound, from toe to crown.

----------

Sirius Black sat stewing on his bed, books and notes strewn about him.

That snoopy git Snivellus Snotnose had always been poking around them, looking for a way to get them into trouble. Right after Spring Holiday their first year at Hogwarts, Snots had hexed one of Black's potions so that it turned into an oatmeal-colored sludge that oozed out of his cauldron, spread out onto the desk, and finally splatted to the floor like a thick and nasty tablecloth.

Sartoris had taken away five Slytherin House points and made Snivelly stay after class to clean it all up, without using any magic at all. It had taken him three hours. When he had finished, Snape had run into Sirius and Peter in the dark corridor right outside.

They had dragged him into a vacant classroom. After Peter had gotten through holding Snape down and after Black had sufficiently blackened the Slytherin's eyes, Sirius had stood him up, poked him in the chest with his index finger, and warned him that the next time he messed with the Marauders he'd have a broken head instead.

Snivelly had lashed out in reply, kicking Black on the kneecap so hard that he left a bruise that lasted for months. This had compelled Sirius to give Snake-boy yet another beating. Unfortunately, that bout had been cut short because he and Wormtail had heard somebody coming. Later, when Professor Penderdandis had asked him about it, Sirius had told him and his own Head of House that Snape's father must have smacked him around before he came back to school, and not to blame him for that!

Sirius frowned in his reminiscing. After all, the Marauders had only tied Snape's shoelaces together in Charms class. Wasn't their fault that the little snake had no sense of humor! Stupid git was always so busy taking notes and sucking up to his professors that he hadn't even noticed. He had fallen, of course, right onto his ugly face; Professor Flitwick had seen the boy's bloody nose and had hustled him off to the Hospital Wing. It really hadn't been that bad of a joke, now, had it?

Sirius stretched himself out on his bed, knocking several textbooks onto the floor. The boy let them lie there for the nonce. His eye still bruised, his mind went over every trick Snots – and his little friend Spitballs, for that matter -- had ever done to them, and he was becoming angrier and angrier.

And so – in that cold and unforgiving state of mind – Sirius Black came up with the perfect revenge.

All he had to do was wait a couple of days.


	9. Love and Confrontation

Chapter 9 – Love and Confrontation

The Library was quiet, and Asenath Paroo was as downcast as a young girl could possibly be on a rainy Tuesday evening.

She had become used to her life of obscurity at Hogwarts; she might not have been popular but at least she had some measure of peace and quiet. Each day had its own cycle – breakfast, classes, lunch, classes, dinner, and study. The routine of her schoolgirl's life had suited her just fine. And suddenly, a fellow Gryffindor named Sirius Black and a Slytherin boy named Severus Snape had lobbed a bomb right in the middle of it.

Well, that wasn't entirely fair. She had started it. But then again, Sirius Black probably had. It all confused her in retrospect, figuring out who thought what and when.

Without Sirius' interference in their mutual lives, Severus and Asenath would have passed one another anonymously for yet another year. However, Asenath – as well as Black – hadn't seen fit to mind their own respective businesses, but that of Severus Snape's instead. And there lay the crux of the problem.

Well – the truth of it really was that Asi could no longer blame Sirius Black, the creator of the prank that landed the students in trouble.

After all, no one had told her to kiss Severus again.

But she had wanted to.

She still wanted to.

------------

Asenath was still naïve enough not to know that forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest, and that if she and Sev had been stuck with one another as lab partners, for example, neither one of them would have turned the other's head.

But --

All the satisfaction of having someone finally attracted to you, after such an immensely long adolescent dry spell! And having that someone be a boy who was Dark and mysterious and tragic! Defiance of Parents! All that breathless excitement! All that sneaking around!

Her parents had finally gone back home, having concluded that their darling daughter had been hexed and that is why she acted as she had. It had been eminently clear to both of Asenath's parents, certainly, that the boy was bad news. Son of a wizard who had received the Dementor's Kiss? Depressed and suicidal? Former inmate of the psychiatric ward of St. Mungo's Hospital? Good gods! Her mother nearly died of embarrassment.

Her father, on the other hand, had gone looking for Severus but had been headed off just in the nick of time by none other than Minerva McGonagall. The Transfiguration professor had feared that young Snape might be hexed into the center of the nearest planetary body if the irate father had his way.

"I am inclined to agree with your sentiments, Mr. Paroo," she had said with a very catlike tilt of her head. "However, the Headmaster will handle the matter to his satisfaction, if not to yours."

"Well then, woman, Deuce take you!" Paroo had snapped in his frustration.

"I expect that I would present a far too formidable challenge for him," she had responded as neat as you please, and then went to dinner.

----------

Severus Snape wandered down the long upstairs Library corridor housing books containing charms against heartache. He would also survey the Restricted Section after midnight, as he was allowed to do by Professor Sartoris.

Sev's body as well as his heart missed Asenath. She had burst into his consciousness with all the mystery and marvel that is Woman. That such a lovely creature wanted him was beyond his understanding. Like many people plagued with self-doubt, the boy saw very little to like in his nature. After being called ugly all his life, she called him handsome. After being called evil all his life, she thought him good enough for her.

It never occurred to the boy that Asenath resembled Martis Vox.

Sev quickened his pace, and then slowed just as abruptly, rapidly scanning the shelves for a volume titled "Heart-Balms Great and Small". He nearly shrieked when a gentle hand with polished oval nails reached out from the other side of the stacks to touch his shoulder.

"Peek-a-boo!" Asenath whispered.

Sev's jaw dropped. Without a single rational thought in his head and powered forward with a high-test mixture of adrenaline and testosterone, he ran around to reach the other side. She had, too; they nearly collided with each other.

"Oh Sevi," she moaned, enfolding him and holding him tight.

"My beautiful, beautiful girl," he sighed, picking her up around the waist and swinging her off the ground.

------------

"My dear Mr. Pettigrew, do you see what I see?" Sirius Black whispered.

"Uhh, they're kissing and stuff?"

"You've hit upon it, just as I knew you would! Yes. Two students, forbidden from seeing one another, clutched together in full liplock. If they were pressed any closer, they would be behind each another. Unfortunate."

"What?" said Pettigrew.

"Oh, never mind, Wormtail. Don't trouble your head about it. Now be a good fellow and go fetch Madam Pince, and make it quick."

Peter Pettigrew scratched his head, and then smiled. He headed off to the other side of the building. _That kid is as dumb as a box of rocks,_ Sirius thought to himself.

The Gryffindor boy then sneaked his camera out of his pocket and snapped off a few quick shots just in case Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Penderdandis needed any convincing.

---------------

"WHAT ARE THE TWO OF YOU DOING BACK HERE IN THE STACKS?"

The librarian of Hogwarts bustled over in righteous indignation, looking around for any disarrangement of her precious volumes.

"We were doing it on top of the Annotated Encyclopedia of Arithmancy," Snape replied with a sneer.

This was a clearly an error of judgment, as the woman's nostrils flared to a dangerous extent. She looked as if she might start puffing sulphurous fumes. "BOTH OF YOU GO TO THE HEADMASTER'S OFFICE IMMEDIATELY! I will be along very shortly!"

-----------

Both Severus and Asenath were dumbstruck and fearful. Asi was terrified of her father's reaction should he find out that she had anything further to do with the "psychotic little snake", as he called Snape. She grabbed Sev's arm, her fingers digging into him.

"Let's run away! My parents will kill me if they have to come back here! Maybe if we spend a few weeks away, they can get used to the idea and settle down a bit and then we can be together!"

Severus looked at her in amazement. Here was a lovely, delicious young woman, begging him to run off with her. He would have pinched himself to ensure that he was awake, but Asenath's fingers now fulfilled the same purpose. A rush of joy coursed through his heart. He was elated, his spirits uplifted!

And then –

No.

Severus Snape couldn't run off with the lovely, delicious young woman.

He had to stay behind to join the damned Dark Lord's minions.

He had to try to insinuate his way into a position of authority amidst the Death Eaters by doing gods know what. He had to tread the narrow and terrifying path of serving two masters. He had to live to help the Child of Light, if there ever was or would be one.

He could not give his heart away because his life was forfeit.

"I – I can't," he whispered to her as the two clung to one another.

"Why not?" Asenath wailed. "Don't you like me, Sevi?"

Severus cupped her face in his hands. "Asi, you are wonderful. But let's be practical." His mind rapidly formulated an apt reply. "We would both be expelled. You are in your sixth year and I am in my seventh. We wouldn't graduate. We have no money. I don't think anyone would be interested in hiring us because we're legally still children under the laws, both Wizard and Muggle."

Asenath sobbed in desolation. "You just don't like me. Nobody did until you came along."

Severus almost wept himself out of frustration and loss. "Asi, please. This has nothing to do with how we feel about each other. This goes to our ability to live our lives together. You are so beautiful, and so kind and lovely. I – "

Sev almost bit his tongue in half to keep from saying the "L" word. He could not love this girl and run off with her and keep his damned promises to Dumbledore. His heart ached.

Both now heard the clacking of Madam Pince's black shoes. Resigned to settling for less and accepting his Dark future, Severus took Asi by the hand and led her to the Gryphon staircase.

--------------

The librarian bustled the students into the Headmaster's Office, where she told Albus what had happened. Dumbledore then Flooed Professor Penderdandis, the Slytherin Head of House, and Professor McGonagall, his Gryffindor counterpart.

Within one minute, all three faculty members sat assembled and Madam Pince returned to her duties. Sev and Asi sat like orphans before the storm.

The Headmaster opened the proceedings rather abruptly.

"You were seen together in the Library, in clear violation of our order to stay away from one another. You have seen fit to once again defy those who are charged with protecting you. Miss Paroo, I can't imagine how your father and mother will feel about it. Mr. Snape, in addition to being seen with Miss Paroo, you were defiant and flippant to Madam Pince. You are piling Ossa upon Pelion, children. What do you have to say for yourselves?"

Asenath began to cry. She didn't work up much sympathy by doing so except from Severus, who felt like crying himself but would rather be boiled in oil than to show his true face to this crowd.

"We saw each other in the Library. That's all," Sev said in a cool and clipped voice.

"You weren't in physical contact with one another?"

Sev raised his chin. Might as well go for it. "No. Nothing happened."

"I beg your pardon, Mr. Snape," said Professor McGonagall, "but here are photos of the two of you." She withdrew Sirius Black's snapshots from her voluminous pockets and handed them to the Headmaster.

Dumbledore examined them briefly, and then handed them to Professor Penderdandis. The old gentleman sighed and shook his head before he showed them to the two students.

"It is painfully obvious that you have lied to us, Mr. Snape," the Headmaster said. The boy looked into the face of his mentor and saw no forgiveness there. His stomach churned. Could it be that he was seeing Albus' true face? How badly had he disappointed him?

"All right. It's clear that we were set up and probably by Black and his crew," Severus said in an ice-cold voice. "If we're guilty of caring for one another – "

Minerva sat up as straight as a stovepipe. "Is that what you call it -- 'caring', Mr. Snape?" she snapped. "If it is, then the entire female student populace of Hogwarts should head for the hills!"

"Mi-NER-va!" Professor Penderdandis chided.

Albus' face had darkened considerably in the last few moments. He steepled his fingers under his chin and glared at Severus. "It is my view that older students should be held to a higher standard of care than younger. And frankly, Mr. Snape, your display of attitude at this school over the last few days has angered me a great deal."

Severus' breath caught in his throat. He stared into Dumbledore's eyes and saw no mercy there. His heart skipped a few beats from the anxiety and distress he felt. He would die without Albus Dumbledore to keep him together. He was the only soul on Earth who could keep the harpies from his heels.

And then Minerva McGonagall made the mistake of interjecting herself.

"Young man, you will keep a civil tongue in your head. I will not hear any impertinence from a boy whose track record here would surely earn him an expulsion at any other school. It is only out of the goodness of our hearts that we have kept you here. We have been aware of your – misfortunes, but – "

"Professor McGonagall," warned Penderdandis, raising an outstretched hand towards her, as in supplication.

"– quite frankly, Mr. Snape, we have gone overboard in tolerating your maladjusted personality and now find ourselves with a spoiled, overbearing, and pompous brat who now sees fit to endanger the young women of this institution of learning!"

Minerva's recital was so enormous, so damning, and so breathtaking that the other two adults in the room were stunned into silence.

"Why don't you keep your mouth closed?" Severus yelped, standing up and balling his fists. Both Penderdandis and Dumbledore leaned forward to keep him from lurching toward McGonagall. "You've done nothing but torment me since the day I arrived here! You don't know my life, woman! You don't know what it was like to – "

Asenath, sobbing now, grabbed the Slytherin boy by the shoulders to pull him back. Penderdandis grabbed his forearm and was rewarded with what felt like the stings of a dozen summer hornets.

"Don't touch me," Severus hissed in a hoarse whisper.

For the count of five, no one dared to breathe. The old man finally released the boy's arm.

From the throat of Albus Dumbledore came a voice of stunning power.

"_SEVERUS SILANUS SNAPE! ANOTHER WORD OUT OF YOU AND I WILL EXPEL YOU FROM THIS SCHOOL!"_

Snape looked up at his beloved erstwhile father and then stood there, horrified at himself as well as at the Headmaster. His shoulders slumped and his head dropped forward. "I – I'm sorry," Severus whispered, hands clutched tightly in his hair, as if he meant to rip it out by the double-handfuls.

"Mr. Snape, you will not bother this girl again," said Dumbledore, standing from behind his desk.

"He wasn't bothering me, Headmaster! I – "

Minerva McGonagall shushed Asenath harshly. "Do be quiet, you foolish girl!"

"Miss Paroo, apparently you have disregarded your parents' wishes and have now dug yourself a deeper hole in which to flounder. Because of your obstinacy and lack of good sense, you shall receive ten detentions with Professor McGonagall. You will also not leave Hogwarts for any reason whatsoever for the remainder of the term. When your parents ask why, I intend to tell them."

The girl gasped, white-faced with shame and shock.

"You may go," Dumbledore said.

The weeping girl fled the room. Nobody raised their eyes high enough to follow her.

"Mr. Snape. In the past few minutes, you have challenged my authority, insulted a respected teacher, and assaulted your own Head of House. You are out of control on so many levels that it takes my breath away."

Severus, face still obscured by his long dark hair, moaned.

"You will serve ten detentions with Professor McGonagall, ten detentions with Professor Penderdandis, and be restricted to the school grounds for the remainder of the year. Further, Slytherin House will suffer the loss of fifty points for your display of bad breeding and arrogance.

Severus sat up rigid, eyes dry. "Very well, Headmaster. You will regret this."

"Now this Slytherin is threatening you, Albus!" McGonagall shrieked. "Is there no end to his envy and spite?"

Without another word, Severus jerked himself out of the chair and left the office, slamming the warded doors behind him.

"Bloody old Headmaster favors his own House! What a surprise!" shrieked Severus Snape, stunning the group of Hufflepuffs on their way to their common room.

"Dumbledore will always favor his own!" he spat as he passed a couple of Ravenclaws on the stairs.

"Stupid old git doesn't have the sense the gods gave a goose," he snarled as he stomped to the Slytherin common room entrance.

"He'll rue the day he crossed me!"

He burst into the common room, where a good number of students sat relaxing or studying.

"Just wait until you hear this..." Severus began, and then he put all the strength he had into slamming the door shut with a resounding crash.


	10. The Truth of the Matter

Chapter 10 – The Truth of the Matter

After Severus had finished explaining why the Headmaster was a doltish old idiot who favored Gryffindor over Slytherin, he had gone to bed, first slamming the door and then covering up his body with every blanket he owned.

Everyone left him be. Wouldn't you?

Severus Snape lay there, completely mired in his spiral of self-loathing and hopelessness. It did not occur to him to use any of the coping strategies Shonsey and the two deceased Aurors had taught him. His dread was too deep; his fear too awful. He had to learn the answer, and tonight.

Did the Headmaster mean what he had said?

If he had lost Dumbledore's love and confidence, there really was no point in going on. It would mean that nobody – with the sole exception of his flighty and mostly absent mother – loved him, and that he could not bear. If he were to be abandoned by the Headmaster, he would just kill himself and be done with it.

-----------

After his roommates had fallen asleep, Severus slipped out from under the pile of bedding and grabbed a couple handfuls of dirty clothes, using them to outline the shape of a body under the blankets.

Then Severus took a pendant out from the front of his pajama collar. Everyone had thought it was a fine representation of a snake, but its actual form displayed a Phoenix instead. It had been a very special gift from Albus Dumbledore. The medallion did not cause one to apparate and disapparate but came close, and it could only be used within Hogwarts Castle.

Holding it in his hand and picturing the Headmaster's study, Severus disappeared from his bedroom in Slytherin Tower.

------------

Sev soon found himself standing in the very area he had pictured. He suspected that the Headmaster had gone to bed, but also knew that the Phoenix medallion would alert him to Severus' presence.

The Slytherin boy sat down, trembling with anxiety and chewing away at his fingers. He needed to find out whether the Headmaster meant all those terrible things he had said about him. If he did, Severus wouldn't be able to bear it. What would happen to him then?

With a gold and crimson sparkle of magic, Fawkes flew into the room and settled neatly on his perch, as if he had been expecting a guest all along. Severus heard the shuffle of slippers and soon saw the Headmaster enter the room. Snape couldn't help looking at the slippers – they had curled toes, like a genie's!

"Good evening, Severus," Albus yawned. "Or is it good morning?"

The boy looked into his face, stricken.

"Are you all right?"

"I – don't know – Fa – "

Severus shut his mouth with a snap. He was afraid to call Albus father. What if the man stormed at him in a fit of rage, telling him that he was not his father? What if he said he would never consider even talking to a greasy, disgusting, and treacherous liar like Severus Silanus Snape?

"Father? Is that what you were about to say, Severus?"

His mouth twisting, the boy's hands automatically went up to cover his lower face. What if Albus was angry and disappointed enough to slap him like his real father had done countless times?

"Severus?"

The old man padded amidst the chairs and sat down. His dressing gown had orange and gold sparkles; it looked like a Muggles' idea of Florida in Hell.

"Do sit down."

Sev hesitated, his eyes not leaving the Headmaster's face. He could read nothing there. Maybe Albus had already decided to cast Severus off – to drive him away – to leave him alone once again. All the boy could do was to hang his head, the shame causing his very body to ache.

Albus got up and came toward Snape. The boy cringed.

"Oh my poor child," Dumbledore said. "I did not believe a single word I said to you this evening."

Hating himself for it, Severus burst into tears.

Albus pulled him close and held him as he cried out his anxiety and terror of being abandoned yet once again. Dumbledore knew that Fate had removed Martis from his Dark child's life – and now Asenath had been taken away from him as well. He also realized that Sev would have to denounce James and Lily in the near future.

"Aroon, aroon," the Headmaster sang, holding the boy close until he stopped trembling. Severus could scarcely be understood, his face muffled as it was by the shoulder of the old man's dressing gown.

"I – I couldn't st – stand if if you d – d- didn't want m – me around any more," Sev wept, unaware that the old stutter imposed upon him by his father's cruelty had surfaced once again.

Albus knew instantly that the Slytherin was very close to the edge. He would save him from another stay in St. Mungo's if he possibly could. "Listen to me, Son," Albus said, his voice almost a sigh. "I meant nothing I said. We are such good actors that we even fool one another!" He rubbed the boy's taut back to help him relax.

Sev continued to cling to him. "And of c – c – course w – w – we all know th - that I'm t- the b - best actor in the w – w – world!"

"You were amazing tonight, Severus. You were astounding. You could have fooled three dozen Aurors! It was superlative. Word will spread about your discourtesies to two of your professors, and about your tirades against me. I hope you did it up royal, my boy."

Still trembling and clinging to his mentor's dressing robe, Severus nodded. He did not want to answer using words as he knew he would stutter like a broken record. But instead – and oddly enough – Albus said, "Don't you ever think of leaving us again, child. I would not recover from my grief if you took it upon yourself to depart this world."

Severus raised his head, tear-filled black eyes focused on the Headmaster's clear blue ones. "You – c – can r – read m – m – my m – mind!"

Albus shook his head. "If I had decided to cast a Legilimency charm, you would have known it. I just know my poor downcast boy and his gloomy thoughts." Dumbledore briefly reflected on what Myrddin of Carmarthen had told him – "_Without you to care for him, he will attempt suicide once more . . . . Without you, he will die at his own hand ere he reaches the age of twenty." _He cradled the boy tightly in his arms, filling him with the warmth of healing and calming energy.

"You were excellent tonight. Now both Professor McGonagall and Professor Penderdandis know of the so-called animosity between us. Word will spread amongst the faculty, believe me. Schoolteachers are among the worst gossips in the Wizarding World."

"A – and I p – p – planted the s – seed amongst at least th – th – three h – houses," Severus added, grateful to be held and cared for.

"Are you hungry?"

"Y – yes, F – Father."

"Ah, it's lovely to hear that again, Severus!"

Sev began to cry again. He was unable to help it and felt that Albus Dumbledore knew exactly why.

"It's all right, Son. Let me ring for the House Elves and let them fix us something wonderful. Does that sound like a good idea?"

Still crying, Sev nodded in the affirmative.

"How about a plate of lemon bars, butterscotch fudge, and divinity?" the Headmaster asked.

"Yes, yes, and yes," Severus replied, looking up with a wan smile.

"What happened to that stutter, my boy?"

Snape thought for a moment. "It's gone because I'm safe."

He would always think of this place – this room – as a safe and blessed place to be. The wards surrounding it would keep him safe. And Albus Dumbledore – the greatest White wizard in the world -- would keep him safe as well.


	11. Baiting the Hook

Chapter 11 - Baiting the Hook

It was the eve of the full moon.

If one had the power to read minds while sitting in a Seventh-Year Hogwarts classroom, one would see elation in Sirius Black and foreboding in Severus Snape. The Slytherin boy had the feeling that his days free from the grasp of Lord Voldemort and his Death Eaters would soon come to an end.

The future would take root in the present during that Magickal World class.

------------

Professor Azaki had gone out his classroom for a few minutes leaving his students to their own devices, not a particularly good idea when Sirius Black was involved. Instead of researching "The Tethys Sea and its Effect on Ancient Elemental Magic", the Gryffindor was huddled in a corner with Peter Pettigrew, scheming.

There were two other Marauders, of course, but James Potter hadn't been himself lately (if being himself meant acting as Severus Snape's chief tormentor). James and Lily had both taken the Wizard's Oath with the greasy little git, and if Sirius showed his hand, either or both would try to talk Black out of his latest prank. Sirius already knew that Peter would go along with anything he proposed. The two of them buzzed for a few minutes and separated.

Sirius turned to face Snape, who was writing his stupid parchment about that stupid topic. "Hey, Snots," Black said. "Where's your girlfriend Snake-bitch – whoops, excuse me, I mean your girlfriend Assygrass Pee-yoo?"

Severus hardly raised an eyebrow. Knowing that Azaki was out of the room, he pulled his wand and transfigured Sirius Black into a ring-tailed lemur.

The animal began to growl and prance around until Peter changed him back. Severus waved his wand again, turning Pettigrew into a large suet pudding.

"There, you great witless lump," Snape growled.

Sirius changed Snape into a Chihuahua. The little dog promptly raced over to the Gryffindor and thoroughly saturated his leg.

"HEY!" Black shrieked, waving his wand once again and cleaning up the mess.

The little dog seized the wand and growled, turning itself back into the Slytherin.

Outraged, Sirius spat, "Expelli – "

Before he could get the spell out of his mouth, the Slytherin boy shrouded himself with a protection spell, the end result being that Sirius Black had the unique experience of snatching away his own wand.

"How's the big dumb pudding getting on, Dogface?" Severus laughed, pointing at Pettigrew. Not having noticed his friend's transformation, Black turned and changed his friend back into his original form.

"I liked him better the other way," Severus remarked as Professor Frey Azaki entered the room. "Ah. _Hail, the Conquering Hero Cometh."_

The Gryffindor boy waited until their teacher's attention was occupied elsewhere. "Hey Snivelly the Psycho," Black hissed. "Haven't you anything better to do than follow us around all the time?"

"No," Snape replied, busy writing his parchment. "You people are just so riveting. I couldn't exist a day without knowing everything that goes on in your fascinating social whirl of a life. For example, I've recently discovered that Pettigrew spends an inordinate time in the loo and that you tried to enter Knockturn Alley. What were you wanting, Sneerius, an inflatable girlfriend? You can get those mail-order from Madame Dunwoody's in London. At least I won't graduate a virgin, unlike some people I could name."

"You think you know so much," Black replied, stung by the virgin remark but loath to show it. "And you don't know anything about where Lupin goes once a month, you ugly git."

"Ah. And you intend to tell me, is that right?"

Sirius paused. He approached, and then consciously crossed over a mental line.

"I thought I would because you're always hanging round us and spying on us and we're sick to death of it. Go ahead and snoop and be done with it. What do you do, race in and give reports on us to the Headmaster? Kindly remember that Albus Dumbledore is one of us, Slytherin. Stop trying to insinuate yourself into his inner circle! We – the Marauders – are his favorite students. The only feeling he has for you is pity because you're such a pathetic potion-guzzling nasty bit of Dark-wizard trash."

Severus put down his quill and stared at Black. "Oh, spit it out and be done with it, you great flea-bag! What about Lupin?"

"Watch the Whomping Willow tonight, smartarse," Black whispered. "You might see Lupin and Madam Pomfrey. And if you do, just wait until Pomfrey comes back out and then press down on that big knot at the base of the tree."

"Why should I?" Sev replied with disinterest.

_Here it is – the opportunity I've been waiting for!_

"It would give you plenty to talk about with your girlfriend," Black responded. "If her old man doesn't shoot you through the head first. Which he might, since you're such an ugly piece of work. He'd much rather have his daughter date that demon you conjured in the Great Hall last year!"

"Excuse me, Mr. Black and Mr. Snape. Are your parchments ready?" said Professor Azaki, striding over to their part of the classroom and wearing that expression most students recognize as a warning that they need to stick to business.

"Mine is, Sir," Severus said, handing his parchment to the Magickal World teacher. Professor Azaki took it with a smile and a nod, and then strode back to the front of the room.

"Ssssssssssssuckup Sssssssssnivelly," Black hissed.

Without even raising his eyes, Severus turned Sirius into a quaffle and kicked it across the room.

------------------

Dumbledore's Dark child now sat on the big overstuffed chair in the Headmaster's office, chasing away the blues with a massive infusion of refined sugar.

The mystery of Remus Lupin's nocturnal wanderings had become bait on the hook, and Severus knew it. Once Sirius Black had thrown out the line, all the Slytherin would have to do is snap. Severus smiled at the apt metaphor, remembering his recent transfiguration into a fish.

Severus had known about Lupin for years. It didn't take a genius to figure out that first, he wasn't a girl, and second, that he still had a health issue once a month because Poppy was always dragging him into that tunnel beneath the Whomping Willow.

His guardian and mentor had always respected him for keeping the werewolf's secret. Perhaps it had been because Remus' heart really hadn't been into the pranks the Marauders pulled in earlier days. Snape had also known that Lupin had a major crush on Britomartis Vox, yet acted the perfect gentleman.

"Well, that's about all, Father. Tonight is the night. Don't worry about me, of course. If a halfway-decent Dark wizard can't find his way around a werewolf, he should turn in his wand and go off and live as a squib."

"Have some more butterscotch fudge, Severus," said Albus Dumbledore, eating his own lemon coconut square. "I'm sure you'll give everyone a good show tonight."

"And the same for you," Sev commented, reaching for a sweet sitting on a large plate before them. "Castigate me for sneaking out past hours. Be sure to be as unreasonable and curmudgeonly as possible. "

"Now, now, my boy," the Headmaster said, shaking his finger at him.

"Sorry, then. Forgot how you favor your own House."

"Now, now, my boy," Dumbledore said again with a grin, this time threatening to take away the plate.

"Don't even think about it," Severus said with a grin, using wandless magic to attach the plate to the table. "Fancy watching me eat two at once?"

"Severus Silanus Snape, you are incorrigible," Albus chuckled.

"I should earnestly hope so," the boy replied, downing the rest of the candy.

-------------------

The Slytherin boy waited until dark.

He now stood in his bedroom at Slytherin Tower, arming himself with protection spells.

He first visualized a triple circle of purplish light around his body and chanted:

_I am protected by your might_

_O gracious Goddess, day and night_

_Thrice around the circle's bound,_

_Evil sink into the ground._

Then he encircled a red candle with crushed sage – enjoying its savory smell -- and lit the wick. The Slytherin boy then gazed at it and said:

_For protection I now pray,_

_Let all evil turn away._

_Protect me night,_

_Protect me day,_

_And keep misfortune well at bay._

He then cast a circle around himself and then looked at his own image in a small hand mirror.

_I am immune to their hate,_

_Their malice._

_I will not accept their guilt_

_Or their intolerance._

_Their words and thoughts_

_Are no bane to me._

He then lit the black candle that sat next to the red one and lit a stick of Nag Champa incense. Severus held the mirror behind the candle and said:

_As this mirror reflects back_

_The light of this candle_

_So shall these things be reflected_

_Back to their senders._

_As the mirror neither adds nor subtracts_

_From the reflection_

_I shall add no malice to nor subtract any_

_From that which I send back._

_As it comes to me_

_So shall it return to them._

Sev then picked up a black string and tied it in three knots. As he tied them, he recited:

_With this string I bind this spell,_

_As I will it, so mote it be._

He closed the circle, and tucked the mirror and string into his pocket, remembering to bury them in a place to which he knew he would not return.

The boy looked out the window and saw two dark figures making their way across the lawn. They could be seen clearly by virtue of the brilliant face of the full moon. He sat on his bed and waited. Looking again a few minutes later, he observed the school nurse striding back to the Castle while the willow rearranged its limbs to full offensive position.

---------------

Within a few minutes, Severus was out the door and running across the lawn. Power and elation filled his heart. Within a moment or two, he was near the great tree, which even now twisted its body to observe the intruder. Severus had once read a quote from a Muggle author to the effect that old trees hated humans, and would kill them if they could.

"Believe it," Snape whispered, taking a stick and using it to press the knot at the tree's base.

All motion stopped. Sev looked around to ensure that the coast was clear.

_"Great Mother and Father of all protect me,"_ the Slytherin boy thought, and then stepped into the tunnel revealed by the stark white light of the full moon.


	12. The Shrieking Shack

Chapter 12 – The Shrieking Shack 

The tunnel beneath the Whomping Willow was dank with the smell of rotting vegetation – vegetation, yes...and something else.

Something feral.

Something rank with flesh and fur -- and rage.

Crouching low, Sev fingered the wand in his sleeve to ensure it would be there when he wanted it. He made his way down the path. Roots hung in his face from above, dripping cold moisture; he thought he could hear the scurrying of rats.

Wet chunks of earth fell on his head and neck as he proceeded closer to that feral flesh and fur.

Closer to what he knew would be there –

_Werewolf._

Remus Lupin, to be exact.

No matter; Severus Snape would be ready for him. He would allow the beast to come as close to him as he could bear; then he would apparate close to the tunnel entrance. Once there, he would fall to his hands and knees and scream his way out.

No one would suspect that a sixteen-year-old boy found under those circumstances – a boy as obviously terrified and distraught as he would appear – would be anything less than grievously wounded in body and in mind.

He would ask the Headmaster to expel the Marauders; he knew already Dumbledore would not. And so – with a few curses and threats on his part -- it would be done. The final schism between Albus Dumbledore and himself. The chasm between good and ill, cleared with one long and painful leap.

Severus checked the depth of the tunnel, noting that it was increasing in height the further in he went. Good; whereas a person could find his or her way out, no werewolf could get that far. Another safety measure.

Well, that was the Slytherin mind, wasn't it? Plot, and scheme, and take dubious action to your heart's content, but make sure you get out alive.

_Alive._

And wouldn't that be his watchword once he joined Voldemort?

Sev held no illusions that he would be able to out-magick the Dark Lord. He was still a child, after all. However, even a child could be well versed in the Dark arts and possess sufficient finely-honed skills in saving his own skin.

Severus Snape had survived innumerable batterings and tortures, after all. Some of them had been so bad that even the healers of St. Mungo's had to obliviate them, for their own sanity as well as his. Severus Snape knew what to do.

The stench hit him quite suddenly.

He gasped and began to breathe through his mouth, an excellent way to avoid smelling something foul. He made his way silently through what he assumed was close to the end of the tunnel.

He was afraid; that was all to the good. Being afraid sharpened your senses and heightened your ability to move quickly when you had to. Snape now recalled that several protection spells, and White ones at that, now embraced him. Severus whispered one now, just for luck.

_I am protected by your might_

_O gracious Goddess, day and night_

_Thrice around the circle's bound,_

_Evil sink into the ground._

There!

A light ahead! 

Severus now withdrew his wand, ready to use it to disapparate at the precise time when his life and death would hang in the balance, albeit briefly.

He saw an entrance into a room of some kind. What did he hear? Snarling. And the click of toenails on wood and the thud of something heavy. Sev felt it rather than heard it; bits of root-choked ceiling now crumbled onto his head and shoulders, scattering like black hexes.

No matter.

_Here we go._

Here – we – go -- 

The movement up ahead stopped. It was then when the Slytherin boy heard the outraged roar of his sort-of-sometimes friend, his classmate, one Remus Lupin to be exact, who'd had the misfortune of having been bitten by a werewolf at an early age.

Gone was the fragile sandy-haired boy who trailed in James Potter and Sirius Black's wake. In his place was a nightmare ten feet high, back and haunches curved, with scratches all over what passed for a snarling and evil face.

No, not a face. Not really. Severus gazed upon hollow burning eyes like flames in a pit and needle-sharp fangs and mindless horror, now standing about twenty feet ahead of him.

Two seconds passed and their eyes met.

_Ah – _

_He sees me --!!_

The foul creature whirled around with a scream of rage and pain and fell hunger, and burst through the narrow doorway to rip the throat out of the intruder. Severus reached into his sleeve to seize his wand, the disapparation charm in the forefront of his mind. And –

Suddenly –

Another voice.

"SEVERUS! TURN AWAY! GET MOVING! THIS WAY!"

Gasping in surprise and outrage, Severus whirled about to see a disheveled and panic-stricken James Potter, dressed in a black cloak smeared with dirt. He was at Snape's side in an instant.

"Severus. Let's get the hell OUT OF HERE!"

Snape ignored the Gryffindor, instead turning back to face the werewolf. He formed his features into an expression that reflected terror and fright, and his body froze.

_As it should be._

"DAMMIT, SEV! MOVE IT!" James cuffed the Slytherin in the back of the head. "GET GOING!" He slid in front of the boy and turned him around and placed his hands on the Slytherin boy's back and shoved as hard as he could.

"Two of us can't fit through the opening! I'll be right behind you! RUN!" 

Severus did just that.

Stumbling about twenty feet ahead of Potter, he tripped over a clod of dirt and sprawled full-length on the tunnel floor, falling so heavily that his teeth bit down on his lower lip.

He tasted the coppery taste of blood. Good. More evidence of trauma for the Headmaster to ignore.

Snape thought that James would have followed right along behind him, but he did not. In a moment of terror, Severus realized that his friend was still where he had left him.

_Dammit! So much for plans!_

Sev's fingers slid away from his wand and scrabbled instead for purchase on the damp earth, clumps of it wedging under his fingernails like dreadful souvenirs. He turned back to rescue his friend.

_If we get out of this alive, Potter, we'll eat a hundred Pig Cakes! We'll play rock and pebble Quidditch all we want and Dumbledore will waive our final exams!_

Just then, Sev heard snarls and bellows and the clattering of something oddly hard against the roots that hung from the ceiling. He did not see a boy and a foul beast behind him, but two animals, battling it out.

Severus knew he could not help James now. He was no longer James, and Remus was no longer Remus.

_Turn around, then._

More innumerable falls. More innumerable starts.

Time stretched into a backwash of forever.

And then -- like a prayer granted -- the opening of the tunnel loomed before him.

In a moment, Severus Snape was there.

In another, Severus Snape was out.

He let loose with a shriek; his eyes gratefully took in the images of stars and cloaked figures approaching him.

Figures --?

"Hold on, Son, I've got you!" shouted Albus Dumbledore.

"Oh gods! And where is James Potter?" cried Minerva McGonagall.

_FATHER! IT'S FATHER! THANK THE GODS AND GODDESSES ON HIGH! MY FATHER CAME TO HELP ME!_

Severus instinctively held out his arms to embrace his savior. How many times had this blessed old soul saved his life and his sanity, after all? He wanted to cry out "Father!" and lose himself in the Headmaster's loving hug of acceptance and safety.

But he could not.

Severus remembered in the nick of time.

He threw off the man's arms and shoved him away.

"Get the hell away from me!" Severus screamed. He heard a gasp from Professor Penderdandis, his own Head of House.

Too afraid himself to take hold of the boy, Penderdandis instead grasped Dumbledore's cloak. "Don't touch him, Albus! He's not in his right mind!"

Severus sprawled out on the lawn right next to the Whomping Willow, howling out his sadness and loss into the moist grass. It smelled good, and the cool soil felt good against his bruised face. His mind blurted a mantra of panicked thought mixed up with prayer –

_James don't die James don't die James don't die James don't die James don't die James don't die James don't die James don't die --_

And then – as he rolled over and gazed at the constellation Orion looming light-years over his head – his mind began to function once more.

_How can I destroy our friendship when he thinks he saved my life? Of course he would. We took the Wizard's Oath together!_

With a sudden thud of dread remembrance in his heart, Severus staggered to his feet and ran back toward the entrance to the tunnel. Minerva McGonagall cried out for him to stop, but her outstretched hand only brushed the edge of his cloak.

_Must save James_

_Must save my friend_

_Must –_

And then a sudden impact knocked Snape to his knees.

"Sev! Oh, thank the Father and Mother of all!" James Potter's face pressed next to his, the Gryffindor boy's hands crawling over his shoulders and embracing him in a clumsy hug. "You're alive!"

Severus' heart broke as he threw off his friend's arms.

The Slytherin boy finally collapsed, giving it up for now, exhausted with sick fear and regret and loss and panic, pitching backward and hitting the soft grass.

The last thing he remembered was the hand of Albus Dumbledore on his forehead, charming his sleep, healing his injuries, and soothing his troubled and guilty soul.

---------------


	13. In the Headmaster's Office

Chapter 13 – In the Headmaster's Office 

"There, dear. Easy. Just sit up and take a few sips."

Madam Pomfrey cradled Severus Snape's head and held the potion-filled vial for him to drink. He did so, and she laid him back down upon the pillows again.

"You'll be all right, Severus," she said, running a wand over the boy's thin body. "You're just a little shook up and addled and frightened. Right?"

"Right as rain," Severus returned. He fingered his split lip. It seemed better already.

"I'll be back in a few moments. I know the Headmaster wanted to know when you woke up so he could see you – "

"I don't want to see him. Tell him."

Poppy's mouth fell open. How many times over the years had she witnessed the kindly bond that existed between the Gryffindor headmaster and the Slytherin student? Severus should be looking forward to Dumbledore's visit, instead of refusing to see him!

"Well – "

"I _mean_ it. I don't want to lay eyes on him."

"Is it because of – "

"Yes. Because of Asenath and me and the way people acted like it was such a big freaking deal. People make love all the time! Maybe it was because somebody as nasty and evil as me shouldn't ever get the chance to have a girlfriend! I don't want to see him! _You tell him!"_

Poppy sighed. She also knew that when the Slytherin had made up his mind, his resistance to her suggestions was adamantine.

"Very well. I'll tell him. But don't be surprised if he calls you to his office when you recover. I understand that he's been talking to that group of Gryffindor boys who'd always gotten into fights with you."

_Good._

_As it should be._

Sev smiled what he hoped was a chilling smile. "Ah yes. The Maraudiots, of course. I understand. By the time the clock strikes noon tomorrow, at least a couple of curs in that pack of dogs should be expelled from Hogwarts."

Poppy's jaw dropped. "Do you really think so? Merciful heavens!"

"They tried to kill me," Sev returned. "They'd only hurt me before. Think on it a minute, Madam Pomfrey. There were only two possible outcomes tonight. Bitten and life as a werewolf – or stone cold dead."

Of course, Severus knew better. Albus would play the fool and Albus would favor the Marauders. By so doing, he would ostensibly earn the eternal hatred of one skinny, maladjusted, and traumatized Dark brat.

-----------

After a decent night's sleep in the Hospital Wing, Severus Snape returned to Slytherin Tower. Predictably, Professor Penderdandis had told him to report to the Headmaster's office right away.

Severus sighed deeply. He wasn't the best actor in the world for nothing. He knew that both he and Albus would play their parts to perfection. It was a sad thing, though. Losing his mother, losing Martis; losing James and Lily and then Asenath.

Poor Severus had experienced so much loss in his short life that each subsequent disappointment healed over quickly. However – in spite of their smooth appearance – his hidden psychic wounds remained raw and unwholesome just underneath the skin.

It was upon such unholy food that Voldemort would feast, because the Dark Lord located weakness in a Death Eater like a Dementor rooted out good memories. At least a Dementor would go after your bad memories after that and get rid of some of them. There was no such luck with Voldemort, who would just keep breaking down mental walls until all that was left of a man or woman was the husk.

_But stay in today,_ Snape, he reminded himself. _Stay in today._

He knocked on the Headmaster's warded entrance and was soon ushered in behind its locked and magicked doors.

-------------

Severus paused, then looked around.

Sirius Black.

_Check._

James Potter.

_Check._

Peter Pettigrew.

_Check._

Remus Lupin.

_Check._

The boy's eyes met Dumbledore's, and locked on. "You wished to see me, sir?"

It was obvious that the five of them had been discussing Gryffindor's chances at the House Cup, or Gryffindor's chances at the Quidditch championship, or Gryffindor's chances at the bloody freaking quilting bee. It was all the same to him.

Albus wore an expression of impartial concern. "Yes, Severus. Why don't you take a seat? I want to find out what happened on – "

"Why are they still here, Headmaster?" Snape hissed in a nearly subaural tone, ignoring the invitation to sit.

"Excuse me?" Dumbledore replied, cocking his head a bit toward Severus. As if the Greatest White Wizard in the World was hard-of-hearing!

"I said – why – are – they – still – here at Hogwarts, sir? They tried to _kill _me last night. Why haven't you expelled the lot?"

"Surely you jest, Mr. Snape," the Headmaster replied, his tone icy.

"I do not, Headmaster Dumbledore. Sirius Black plotted to have me out of the way effective last night. He told me exactly what to do to freeze the Whomping Willow so I could see exactly what happened to Remus Lupin when the moon was full. He knew he was sending me toward either a cursed life as a werewolf or to an early grave. Surely they don't deny that!"

"Now, wait a minute, Severus," Albus said, wagging his finger at the black-haired youth. "Mr. Black insists that it was only a joke, and that there was no real chance you would actually continue down the tunnel and into harm's way."

"And you believed him?" Severus cried. "He is a liar born, and he will die a liar, though not on account of me. What you call harmless jokes or pranks have cost me my peace of mind here at Hogwarts. Sing the House cheer, raise the butterbeer, and kick the greasy git in the guts a couple hundred times! All in good fun!" Snape clenched his fists. "Good gods, Headmaster! And you were gullible enough to believe him, after he's persecuted me for seven long years?" Severus was red in the face and his fingernails dug little crescents into the palms of his hands.

"I think you're making much ado about nothing, Severus. Mr. Lupin and Mr. Pettigrew have told me they didn't know about the prank," Albus began.

"Prank? _Please! _Attempted assassination, sir!" Snape shouted. "You stand corrected!"

At this, the Marauders began to uneasily look at each other, not sure what was transpiring between Severus and Dumbledore.

Albus made a show of ignoring the remark. "Mr. Potter has told me that he only learned of the joke after you'd entered the tunnel, and that he managed to convince you to turn back just in the nick of time."

"James Bloody Potter," Severus snarled. James looked at him, hurt and surprise evident on his face. "Always the Holy Saint James, isn't he? He's always managed to keep his nose clean, hasn't he, sir? He saved the Slytherin prat from a terrible death, or an even more terrible life -- I don't know which would have been worse -- just – to – make – himself _– look_ _good!"_

James stood. "Sev, that isn't fair!"

"Life isn't fair, Potter," Severus returned coolly, his eyes like chips of anthracite coal. "Some boys get fathers who play Quidditch with them and other boys get fathers who torture them half to death before they reach the age of reason. _Oh well!_ "

Young Snape's mouth twisted cruelly.

"Some boys have fathers who teach them about goodness and courage and honor. Other boys have fathers who sell them body and soul to a monster. _Too bad!"_

"Severus, that is enough," Albus said to Snape, his voice dead calm.

Snape sneered, ignoring him. "Some boys end up handsome and blessed with good health and good friends, and others end up looking like they'd been dragged up out of some filthy cellar with half their nervous system misfiring because their old man had cursed them one too many times! _What a bloody shame it is!_ "

"That is enough, Mr. Snape!" Albus warned.

"Such is life, Potter. Black puts me in peril and you whisk me out of it. Grand! Noble! The Dark brat should be kissing his feet in thanks! But he doesn't because he knows deep in his foul heart that for once, _the Marauders will finally pay for what they have done to him!" _

Sev spun around to face Dumbledore. He pointed a finger at Black, and then waved his open hand at the others.

"SIR -- I – WANT – THEM – _GONE!"_

"That is out of the question, Mr. Snape," Dumbledore replied. "No permanent damage was done to you. Although one boy put you in harm's way, I believe him when he tells me that he would have come to fetch you in time if James had not."

"Then you're a fool, Albus Dumbledore," Snape shrieked. His entire body shook and his teeth were bared.

The Headmaster, his face red and his jaw set, stood so abruptly that the little table that sat before him was overturned, sending hot tea and pieces of lemon chiffon bar all over the rug. "How dare you, Mr. Snape. How _dare _you! I will not have you speak like that to me!" Albus turned quickly and looked at the Marauders. "Sirius Black. Twenty points from Gryffindor."

"_TWENTY POINTS?"_ Snape screamed, his palms now running red.

"Peter Pettigrew. Ten points for not reporting it to your Head of House. Remus Lupin, you did not seek to endanger Mr. Snape in the first place so you will have no punishment. Mr. Potter. Forty points for helping Mr. Snape out of the tunnel."

"_HELPING ME OUT OF THE BLOODY TUNNEL?_ _DEAR GODS!"_

Severus yelped, eyes watering and face beet red. His tortured hands dappled briefly at his face, leaving his cheeks spotted with fresh blood.

"And twenty points from Slytherin House, Mr. Snape, for your insubordination and rudeness not only to these boys, but to me as well."

Severus was weeping now; flat-out weeping even though Pettigrew and Black stood snickering at him. "DISMISSED, HEADMASTER?" the boy cried. "AM I TO UNDERSTAND THAT GRYFFINDOR HOUSE WILL END UP TEN POINTS TO THE GOOD WHILE SLYTHERIN HAS BEEN PENALIZED BY TWENTY, WHEN IT WAS ME WHO NEARLY DIED?"

The wizard raised his chin and looked round. "You are all dismissed."

Anguish and betrayal fuming from his psychic aura like coils of tendriled envy, Severus grabbed at an ornamental vase and threw it over Dumbledore's head where it burst into a hundred fragments. The Marauders cried out in surprise and anger.

"Go ahead, old man," Severus Snape wept, face streaked with tears and blood. "Go ahead and turn your back on me! Why did you bother to save me from ending my days in the Forbidden Forest and Slytherin Tower? Why bother to save my soul from evil when you have ripped it to shreds instead?"

The boy had bitten down on his injured lip, inadvertently reopening the wound. The Marauders scarcely breathed, so great was their dread. Dumbledore said nothing.

"Damn you all!" Severus cried in the extremity of his hopelessness and grief. "Damn you and every Gryffindor living and dead to the worst torments of Hell! You – will – all – _pay dearly for this outrage!"_

With a terrible cry, the Slytherin boy raced out the door and down the circular stairs, terrible oaths pouring from his lips along with his heart's blood.

----------


	14. The Headmaster's Dream

Chapter 14 – The Headmaster's Dream

"_Happy is the tomb where no wizard hath lain, and happy the town at night whose wizards are all ashes."_

_- Ibn Schacabao_

By the day after Severus had declared war on the forces of Light, three things rang true at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

One was that the Dark Slytherin child had lost his wits, having cursed the Headmaster, his Head of House, and all Gryffindors in general. This had included the Marauders. This had included a horrified Lily Evans. This had also included a weeping and bereft Asenath Paroo.

The second was that the Death Eater hierarchy, from Lord Voldemort all the way down to recent graduate Lucius Malfoy, could anticipate eager cooperation from young Severus Snape.

The third was that Severus desperately needed his father, and that his father desperately needed him. It took no great leap of intellect to know that Severus needed comforting and assurance after such a scene, particularly when his heart hadn't known what parts had been acting and what parts had not. Dumbledore's needs, however, were more obscure and troubled him greatly.

-----------

The Headmaster now sat sipping a cup of cocoa before the fire in his study with Fawkes at his side, deeply mired within his own grim and guilty thoughts.

On occasion, his old friend Myrddin of Carmarthen (occasionally known as Merlin) sent him visions to guide his way. Sometimes Albus remembered them, and sometimes he didn't. Although the ancient sorcerer now resided in the Land of the Souls, he did what he could to preserve the Wizarding Way for all who followed in his footsteps. The particular vision he had sent Albus Dumbledore the night before had been enough to shock him out of his benevolent and complacent world.

The Headmaster's hands now shook, spilling cocoa onto the rich brocade of his robes, as he remembered.

----------

The Dumbledore of Dreams – without his wand or wandless magic to assist him – had been set adrift forward in time to a Place that would be or would not be; the Headmaster had no idea.

Hogwarts had become a charnel-house.

Everywhere Albus ran, wringing his hands in horror and desperation, there lay hundreds and hundreds of bodies half-bloated for lack of anyone alive to bury them. Some wore Gryffindor robes; some Hufflepuff; some Ravenclaw and Slytherin. It didn't seem to matter because the slaughter had been universal and indiscriminate.

Dumbledore raced from classroom to classroom only to find students dead at their desks; dead at the dining tables in the Great Hall; dead and floating on the stillness of the lake; dead having fallen from the air above the Quidditch Pitch and still astride their brooms.

The old wizard wept, knowing somehow that good men and women had faltered, neglecting their duty to protect these blessed children – Dumbledore's beloved children. They lay dead and rotting all around him, their souls snatched away by something vile and hidden and black and poisonous.

The knowing inside the Dream Albus told him that several thousand Dark wizards – led by Voldemort and by the Prince of Darkness himself – had joined hands and minds to send the Killing Curse to all who did not bear the Dark Mark.

The village of Hogsmeade lay pustulent with corpses. The farmhouses surrounding the town reeked of death. The knowing within Albus expanded, allowing him to realize that there was a minimum of forty thousand dead in London alone.

The World of Light – Dumbledore's world – had been slaughtered as surely as these helpless children had been.

_**And it had been his fault.**_

The Dumbledore of Dreams continued his distraught stumbling through Castle turned _abbatoir,_ stepping over the bodies of those he had sworn to protect. He was looking for someone who he hoped had survived.

_**His Severus.**_

His Severus wore the Dark Mark, after all.

His Severus, having become one of the Fallen Ones; one of the Living Dead who did terrible and secret things at the Dark Lord's bidding.

His Severus, now as damned as the blighted creatures who sucked out souls or fed on the spirits of those already departed.

His Severus, now beyond redemption.

That had been Dumbledore's fault, too. He remembered the boy's sweet face, so full of love and trust, as they hovered above the howling winds and killing cold of Mt. Cotopaxi. The vision pierced his heart and bitter bile rose to his lips.

The weeping Headmaster now rounded a corner near the Herbology greenhouses, now full of nothing but black and blasted foliage.

In his path stood a child hideous in face and body; a child half-skeletonized and still wearing his ragged and torn Slytherin robes. He piteously held up his arms, ripped open from wrist to elbow, and held them towards Dumbledore.

The horror now tottered toward the man who had once called him Son, following him with shredded arms as tears of blood rolled down his half-rotted face.

A hideous voice – a terrible pantomime of Severus' own – harped on and on even though Dumbledore had slapped his hands over his ears and had backed away frantically.

No matter where Albus ran, the boy followed, his litany of hopeless accusation pounding its way into his Headmaster's throbbing head:

**_"Fa-ther, why did you kill me? Fa-ther! Fa-ther!"_**

-------

Albus had awakened with a scream of terror.

Overcome with sadness and profound grief, he had lain awake for hours, weeping in guilt and shame and cursing himself for his own selfishness and cowardice. It had taken several hours for Fawkes to calm him with ancient Magic only an ancient creature could know and understand.

_**Where is my boy? **_

_**Is he alive? **_

_**Or have I killed him for good and all?**_

--------------


	15. Requiem for a Schoolboy

Chapter 15 – Requiem for a Schoolboy

It hadn't taken long for Lucius Malfoy – the Dark Lord's liaison – to insinuate himself back into Severus' life. Now a graduate, he had kept track of Snape's progress through his discussions with Potions Master Sejanus Sartoris. Of course, the intervention of the Headmaster had put an end to those visits.

The very day after the bitter scene between Snape and the Marauders had occurred, Lucius and two of his Death Eater friends had paid Dumbledore's Dark child a visit.

-------------

Lucius had taken pains to remind Severus in detail about the Marauders' seven-year harassment. He specifically reminded him about what had happened at the Lake – the incident that had capped all past humiliations and had led Snape to a suicide attempt in his fifth year.

And then Lucius, Bellatrix Lestrange, and Malthus Macnair had then taken the boy to meet Lord Voldemort himself. It was the meeting that would bring heartbreak and ruin to the young man's life.

---------

Sev had found himself near what he deduced was a pier alongside the ocean; as to what ocean he could not say. Everyone was prostrate upon the ground except for him. He blinked as a shimmer of powerful and malevolent energy manifested itself before them.

"You have done well, Macnair. But your little one does not know enough to prostrate himself before Me."

Sev felt himself being shoved roughly to the ground by that frightening energy. Something vile and stinking and powerful beyond words rummaged crudely through the thoughts inside his mind's Eye. He struggled to a kneeling position.

And then It had touched him, cupping his face and forcing his face up towards the abomination that had materialized in front of him.

It was the Dark Lord himself.

_Voldemort._

_O Gods!_

Sev's instinctive reaction was to break away and flee. Knowing he could not show weakness, the boy suppressed his emotions.

"Ssseverus Sssilanus Sssnape, I have waited a long while for you to come before me. There is only one wizard I have awaited longer, and you will help bring him before me," the Dark Lord crooned. "You're wondering who that wizard is, aren't you, Severus? Dumbledore's rampant favoritism of anything Gryffindor has stung your pride and brought you here to me."

"Pride has nothing to do with my being here."

The Dark Lord laughed, a sound reminiscent of a death rattle and a black curse. "Oh, your pride has everything to do with it. You can hide nothing from me. I can see within your soul." Voldemort grabbed the boy's robe and yanked him upright. "Legilimens!"

Severus felt the Dark Lord force his way into his memories; the boy had allowed it, culling his thoughts so that Voldemort only saw what he wanted him to see.

Severus shuddered as the mental attack abated. The Dark Lord chuckled.

"What did you do to me?" Snape said evenly, careful not to let his own terror show. He would not feed this living horror's sadism if he could help it.

"You don't like my seeing your secrets, do you? I know everything about you. Your dreams and aspirations as well as your nightmares – all of it." Voldemort's hand ran down Severus' left arm. "Such a pretty little Dark child."

Severus suppressed the urge to scream.

"Listen to me. I will help you mete revenge on all of your enemies if you join me."

"Why should I join you?"

"Listen well, little boy, and learn. That old fool Dumbledore doesn't understand your curiosity or the ability you possess. He doesn't care about you as much as I do. He is afraid of your talent! Hardly the actions of a man who is supposed to help you learn and succeed in the Wizarding world. I will see that your wish to become a Master of Potions becomes a reality if you come to me, Ssseverus." The Dark Lord's tongue tip actually trembled on his lip, just like the snake he so resembled.

Snape jutted his chin. "How can you ensure I would become a Master of the Art? What if I don't have the talent?"

"Oh, you have the talent. Believe me -- you have the talent."

"What do you want in exchange?"

"Only your services in brewing the potions I need," Voldemort replied.

"What sort of potions?"

"Whatever I ask for." His hand trailed down his chest. "What a beautiful boy you are, Ssseverus."

_Show him you're not afraid even though the mere touch of this monster is enough to make you vomit!_

Severus swallowed the bile that now rose to his lips. It was now or never, and he had promised Father he would do this for him.

"All right. If you can ensure I will be a Master of Potions, I will join you."

The Dark Lord grinned and seized the boy's arm. He pulled him over to a round stone that had the horned skull of a goat carved into it.

_Bahamut!_

Voldemort took out his wand and muttered a spell.

Severus tried to commit it to memory, but the pain that stabbed into the inside of his left arm drove away all rational thought.

_HURTS IT HURTS OH IT HURTS!!!!!!!!! _

The Dark Lord unhanded him as Severus Snape fell to the ground, and then vanished as suddenly as he had appeared.

-----------

The three Slytherins who had brought him to this place now crowded around the newest member of Voldemort's Death Eaters. All advised him not to touch what they called his "Dark Mark".

Severus faded in and out of consciousness. Gradually, his mind cleared and the suffocating nausea he had felt loosened its grip. And then Lucius had shown him what Voldemort had burned into his arm; an angry skull with a snake curled around and through it.

"What in Seven Hells is that?"

"It is how our Master calls us. When you feel it burn, you are to Apparate to him," Malthus Macnair answered.

"How will I know where to go?"

"The Mark will tell you," Lucius replied. "Don't delay in Apparating to our Master when he calls you."

"Unlike the three of you, I'm still at Hogwarts. I can't just Apparate out of lessons," Severus answered.

"Our Master is aware of the difficulties facing you and will allow some measure of delay." The other two young Death Eaters then vanished, leaving Severus alone with Lucius Malfoy.

"I will be responsible for overseeing your training, Snape. Each Hogsmeade day, you will meet me at the Three Broomsticks. This won't attract any special attention because you stayed at my house this past summer. Everyone thinks we're the best of buddies. Imagine. Our poor little Snips, a Death Eater!"

The rest of the conversation faded from Snape's mind as surely as any hope he'd held that the Darkness would not envelop and destroy him.

-------------

Later that evening, Albus Dumbledore had paid a call to Slytherin Tower, and Severus had shown him the Dark Mark.

The youth had been unable to sleep that night from the pain. His Dark Mark felt like scalded flesh. He had so wanted to visit Father to seek comfort but had restrained himself. How could he stand up to Voldemort if he couldn't deal with an injury to his arm? Severus knew that his suffering would get worse rather than better.

Much worse, in fact.

------------

Albus Dumbledore lay asleep in his rooms that same night, his old face twitching as his subconscious wrestled with the conflict in his heart. He had consigned a schoolboy to a life of duplicity and danger, after all. The Furies punished those who did such things, and these dreadful dreams were the result.

_The Dream Dumbledore spied his Dark child by the lake. _

"_SEVERUS! I MUST TALK TO YOU!" he cried._

_Snape turned, face deathly pale. _

"_YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS THING!" the old man cried. "DON'T DO IT, MY SON, IN THE NAME OF THE GODS!"_

_Severus blinked. He raised his arm just as the Headmaster caught up with him. _

"_It is too late, Father," he said in an emotionless voice._

_The Dream Dumbledore screamed in anguish as he collapsed to his knees._

Albus woke in agitation, fighting the urge to comfort the boy when they next met. He knew he mustn't as surely as he knew that Severus should not be given cause to question the Headmaster's resolve. It would not do the boy a service to coddle him, or to try to undo what had been irrevocably done.

Severus now wore the Dark Mark.

The future had taken root in the present, and nothing could be done about it.

----------

The Headmaster had trained Severus in the art of moving around the Castle using force of the mind. It was not Apparation but served the same purpose. Thus, no one saw them meet in Dumbledore's office after dinner the following evening.

"Did you see Nurse Pomfrey about your hands and lip, Severus?" Albus asked.

Severus nodded. "Yes, but I made sure she didn't see the Dark Mark." He began to shiver.

"The – Dark Lord liked me, Father."

Albus failed to discern the meaning behind the boy's words. "Well, that is all to the good. You cannot be a good spy if Voldemort doesn't like and trust you."

Severus' eyes widened.

After a while in front of the crackling fire and snugged up in a blanket, Severus' dark head began to nod. Albus stood and gently carried him to the couch. He conjured a pillow, eased the boy back, and then covered him with the comforter. "Go to sleep if you can. I'll wake you in an hour or so that you can get to Slytherin Tower on time."

"My arm hurts," the boy said.

"Let me try a charm, then. Relax and rest, little sparrow."

"Why do you call me that?"

"Because you're not all flash and color like a peacock. The life you've been handed has caused you to take on a more somber coloration. And I mean to protect you, little bird." Albus placed his hand on Severus' forehead "Now. Slumbera Sine Dolore."

_Sleep without pain._

_Sleep without sadness._

_Sleep._

The exhausted boy relaxed and closed his eyes.

With a sigh of resignation, Albus then walked across the room and sat down behind his desk, hoping that attention to his correspondence would help to assuage his own guilt and pain.


	16. The Dark Lord

"Young Snape will be invaluable to us," the Dark Lord hissed. "He possesses great talents." He sat in a room in his filthy and unkempt mansion, conversing with one of his newer recruits to the Death Eater ranks.

"He does have great skill in potions," Lucius Malfoy agreed.

"That and more, young one. That and more. He bears many hollow places in his heart for us to fill."

"Excuse me, my Lord?" Lucius returned.

"He is like a great sponge for attention and adulation. Haven't you noticed?"

Malfoy believed that Severus was more of a loner, but dared not contradict Voldemort. Instead, he nodded in agreement.

"Father cruel, mother useless, friends few and far between, enemies effective in wrecking him. He tried to kill himself in his despair," the Dark Lord smiled, "Twice that I know of. Our dear, darling flawed little boy - a potions expert and he got it wrong! Fortunately for us, Malfoy. Fortunately for us. I like despair in a Death Eater. It builds character!"

Malfoy nodded once again.

"The Dark Arts visited upon him from an early age, abuse since the cradle, humiliations at the hands of his classmates. Those suicide attempts and his commitment to St. Mungo's by none other than his Headmaster! Our boy, Malfoy, is ripe for the taking! All we have to do is pay attention to him."

"Not many have, my Lord."

"I know that, you dullard! All he needs is love. Was that a Muggle song, idiot? I do believe it was. Severus clings in desperation to that old fool Dumbledore, which is lucky for us. Soon, he will realize who his true friends are."

"I have often told him that," Lucius commented.

"Contact little Severus and tell him to be here Friday next at midnight. I have a task for him."

Lucius Malfoy prostrated himself before Voldemort, and then Disapparated.

As usual, Malfoy's skin crawled with anxiety after such meetings. Being around the Dark Lord felt like standing next to one of those Muggle high-tension electrical towers. An odd thing, electricity! Wizarding folk got along quite well without it.

_Too bad about Snape,_ the young man thought as he made his way into the manor.

_But better him than me._

-

It was a Seventh-Year Defense against the Dark Arts class, duly taught by Paschasius Radbertus. His mother, a convert, had saddled the gentleman with the name of an Eastern Orthodox Christian "father of the faith". Most people just ended up calling him Ol' Packy, though not to his face.

Ol' Packy was presently reviewing boggart-handling for his pupils. All of the students had disposed of boggarts dozens of times during their Hogwarts years, including Severus Snape. So why did the Slytherin boy feel such apprehension?

_Oh gods he'll release the damned boggart and it will show the Dark Lord and I'll be lost because so few have made his acquaintance and everybody will know I've seen his face so pass me by, Packy ol' boy!_

It was a further continuation of Severus Snape's lifelong bout of rotten luck to be the very next student called upon to confound the captive boggart.

Severus pulled his face in its usual sneer that denoted disgust with one's fellows without disclosing what he truly felt. "I've done this before, sir," he said, crossing his arms.

"And I'm sure you did a superlative job, Mr. Snape, albeit - alas- not in my presence. I would be ever so grateful if you would oblige me."

_Damned Ravenclaws. Think they know everything._

"Just suck it up, Snivelly," Sirius Black crowed.

Snape's upper lip curled.

"Do it for MEEEEEEEEEE, Sevi, for MEEEEEEEEEEE?" Pettigrew snickered.

James Potter would have shot him a look, but James was through with being kind to Severus. _Twice burned, twice shy,_ the Gryffindor boy thought to himself.

Lily Evans sat next to Potter, her face solemn.

_Just look at him,_ she thought. All of a sudden Severus had turned from a friend into the very stereotype of a Slytherin – sly, treacherous, and heartless. Poor Asenath Paroo had ended up at St. Mungo's in a depression brought about by the abrupt end of her first love affair and her parents' remorseless onslaught of admonishments at her having chosen so poorly. Lily hoped the girl would be back after a few weeks of counseling, but frankly doubted it.

_Damn you all to the Seventh Level of Hell,_ Severus thought in near-panic. Of course, his face showed nothing. _Learned to do that when Dads was in a beating mood; didn't want to give the old bastard the satisfaction of seeing me suffer._

There was no way he could pass it off now.

"I am very much obliged to you, Mr. Snape," said Paschasius Radbertus. "Kindly open the jar and do your best."

Severus walked to the front of the class and looked at the earthenware jar that stood up to thigh-level. It looked ancient; Minoan, almost - and bore octopi and swimming fishes on its rim. Swallowing hard, Severus lifted the lid.

And saw –

_Gods, not Voldemort! Please!_

He was relieved to see the amorphous form that whirled before him resolve into the face and figure of his father, currently a harmless human shell at Azkaban. Severus raised his wand and cleared his mind along with his throat.

_Don't react don't react don't react don't react_

And then the boggart opened its mouth.

"DAMN you, boy, didn't I tell you before not to stand GAPING in front of me, your miserable paws clenching that wand as if it were your dearest friend? That's NOT how I TRAINED you, boy, damn your ugly hide!" The ersatz Confutatis Maledictis Snape clenched a piece of stovepipe in his hand. "Get over here like a MAN and learn your LESSON!"

Lily's hand moved to her mouth out of sheer anxiety.

"Do it RIGHT, you little bastard, or I'll put you in the CELLAR, do you HEAR me?"

_Oh dear gods not the cellar cold and damp and seeps coming from the sewage and stench o the stench rats coming to chew my hair and fingertips if I fall asleep lying in my own waste after days of suffering!_

Severus' chin quivered. "Riddikulus!" he commanded. Nothing happened.

The other students murmured. Severus caught a movement in the corner of his eye; he believed his professor had moved near him. He didn't want to show weakness by turning around.

The boggart continued its remorseless rant. "ALL RIGHT THEN, YOU USELESS EXCUSE FOR A SON! IT'S THE HORSEWHIP FOR YOU, _AND THEN THE CELLAR! LET'S SEE HOW YOU LIKE A WEEK'S WORTH THIS TIME!"_

The boggart lunged forward, long arms menacing and distorted by Severus' own memories.

"NO!" Severus shouted. "RIDDIKULUS!"

He stabbed the apparition with his wand as if running an enemy through with a sword. He realized that the spell hadn't worked before because he hadn't visualized a way to ridicule the boggart. Snape's shoulders relaxed and he closed his eyes.

_Easy now. Easy._

He didn't even bother looking up to see what he knew was now in front of him; an old man with black hair and a hawk nose, tied to a chair, a string of drool pooling in his lap.

"Oh, that's just awful," Lily whispered.

"Sevi scared of DADDY?" Sirius Black hissed, his handsome face perfect in its cruelty.

Before Severus could react, James Potter jabbed Black in the ribcage with his elbow. "Enough, all right, Padfoot?"

Lily gave him a faint smile, touching his arm. She knew it took a lot for James to have done that, especially after the Slytherin had spitefully turned on his few friends.

Severus made sure his face was a calculated blank, and raised his chin in defiance. _The freaking boggart didn't scare me, you stupid fools. And you don't scare me either._

Professor Packy nodded. "Very well, Mr. Snape. A good, though somewhat delayed, application of the incantation. You may sit down. Five points to Slytherin."

Severus' heart thudded in his chest as he returned to his seat._You idiots don't even know what really scares me, thank the gods of all pantheons. What scares me? It's the Dark Lord, also known as Voldemort, the Prince of Darkness, the Betrayer, the Destroyer. Those demon eyes and loathsome mouth and hands! That vicious lying tongue, his mind splitting your skull in half to read every memory you ever tried to suppress!_

Willing himself to be still and solemn and without the slightest hint of fear, Severus Snape sat down at his desk as the lesson continued.

He jerked only slightly when his Dark Mark began to throb.

-

The Master had wanted to see him, and so right after classes Severus had apparated to a large house he assumed to be the former Tom Riddle's manor. Whatever it was, it reeked of evil.

Three masked Death Eaters gave him a slight nod as they left a large room to his left. Severus ensured that his own mask was properly affixed, and then entered to do the Dark Lord's pleasure.

-

The young man would brew a potion that would coat the victim's skin with a smooth and fragrant lotion that later would turn into a corrosive acid. Quite a surprise; yes indeed. It was rather like what Medea of Greek mythology had done to Jason's girlfriend when she had discovered his treachery.

Severus could tolerate evil and duplicity; it had surrounded him all his life. He didn't mind brewing toxins, so long as it wasn't him who administered them to their ultimate victims.

He would do this - and more - to ensure a steady supply of information for Albus Dumbledore. He would do anything to please his father.

It was the rest of the visit that had terrified the Slytherin boy nearly out of his mind.

Voldemort had asked him questions about the most shameful and painful parts of his life. He had demanded that the boy tell him all about Martis Vox, who had left him bereft and alone when she had transferred to Beauxbatons.

Unbeknownst to Severus, it had been the Dark Lord who had ordered the destruction of their owl posts to one another. He had done this out of apprehension that the boy's downward descent into Darkness might be forestalled by the Light within the Vox girl's soul.

Voldemort had then probed into Snape's brief relationship with the Gryffindor girl. "Because of you, she has been consigned to St. Mungo's," the Dark Lord hissed with a smile. "Your fault! What a ladies' man you must be, Severus! You should be so proud!"

His questions went on and on, hour after hour. Snape did his best to hide his discomfort. Snape was good, but Voldemort was better.

Finally, the Dark Lord leaned in for the kill.

"Why, Severus!" he had said, his reptilian hands resting on the boy's shoulders and his face avid with morbid interest. "Don't you remember my visits to your family home when you were little?"

Severus thought hard. "I'm sorry, Master, but I don't seem to recall them."

The Dark Lord growled. "What's this? You can't remember all the cheerful times we spent together?"

"No, my Lord," Severus had replied, quite truthfully.

"Don't play the dunce with me, Snape. I could crush you like an insect." Voldemort leaned closer and, using the Legilimens charm, probed the boy's memories.

_Not there,_ thought the Dark Lord. _They're not there!_

His first reaction was fury. His clawed hand – resembling the talons of a dragon – flew to the boy's throat. Severus gasped, feeling his body drain away the energy that kept him standing before this monster. He began to choke and looked at the Dark Lord in terror.

"What have you done to your mind?" the wizard screamed, utterly furious. "It's mine! _It always was!"_

Terror shivered through the boy's body and heart. He choked and coughed after Voldemort released his death grip.

"St. - Mungo's, my Lord," Severus gasped. "They - obliviated - some - memories while I was - there. I'm - sorry - "

The Dark Lord looked at him, continuing to probe his mind. After a long time, he released his fury, now feigning helpful concern. Tenderly, Voldemort ran his bloody fingers through Severus' black hair.

"Let me help you regain the missing pieces of the puzzle, boy!"

He pulled the Dark child closer. A few whispered words, and the color drained from Sev's face.

The Obliviated memories – the ones so terrible that they had sickened Aloysius Bede and Sibelius Hammer, now lying in their graves – slammed into his head. Severus shrieked.

Voldemort caught the screaming boy in his arms and clutched him tight, humming a tune and waltzing around the room, his head tilted back and his face wearing a rabid expression of sublime enjoyment. Severus kept on screaming.

They danced and danced and danced.

-

Late that night – long after Severus had recounted to Dumbledore his redacted version of what had happened – the boy lay in his bed in Slytherin Tower, utterly unable to sleep. His mouth twisted as hot tears ran from his dark eyes.It was hard, this serving two masters. He now chided himself for losing control in front of the Dark Lord. It was not so bad. Voldemort loved pain, and in losing control Severus had actually pleased him.

His thoughts now turned to the other master in his life.

Spies had lives full of all sorts of unpleasantness, and Severus had agreed to be a spy. He had promised Dumbledore that he would spy for him. He needed to grow up and suck it up, just as Sirius Black had said.

_Dumbledore doesn't want to hear about your discomforts and your troubles and your terrors, you cowardly greasy git. He did when you were a kid but it's time to grow up, Sevi old boy._

_He doesn't want a whiner, unable to do his job as agreed. He doesn't want a damn sniveling baby. He wants information. Bring him the information, you weak pathetic mess! _

_You don't want to disappoint him! If you disappoint him - Albus Dumbledore won't call you "son" any more. He won't call you anything any more. He will turn away from you, just like your real father. And then, of course, he will push you away and that will be the end of you._

_If you disappoint him, or disgust him, Albus Dumbledore will stop loving you._

_Forever._

Wiping his eyes and still sick to his stomach, Severus rolled over and pushed his face into his pillow.


	17. The End of Childhood

**It was the End of Term.**

**The end of seven long and often excruciating years for Severus Snape; graduation was nigh and his life had already been irrevocably ruined by his need to please Dumbledore.**

**Seven long years.**

**There had been Martis; at least for a blessed while. Severus had and still believed himself unworthy of such beauty; such goodness.He also knew that he would never have such a good friend ever again. But his luck being out like it nearly always was; she was gone.**

**Then there was Lily, and for a briefer time, James. Friends? Perhaps not. Allies, maybe; sharers in the same joint destiny for a brief while; then they were gone. He would graduate from Hogwarts in the same state he began - despondent and alone.**

**It surprised his more than anything when he had heard Asenath had returned to school, but he was beyond reaching out to her now. Even if her parents had not promised to kill him should he even look upon her again, there was no way he'd try; he was too far gone. Too far gone from kindness, love, and sympathy of any kind. If she knew what he had become - for the Greater Good, of all things - she would reject him, anyway.**

**Best to let her live quietly.**

**Safely.**

**Dhir Prakash would be coming to the school during the summer; by the time all the other teachers had left for their vacations, there would be only himself, Dr. Prakash, and Dumbledore in the Castle.**

**Father.**

**Their meetings over the past month had dwindled down to formal reports and cool exchanges of greetings - in private. In public, it had degenerated into a snarl from himself and a puzzled glanced from Dumbledore and nothing more. It hurt Sev ... but it would also hurt more if Dumbledore found out what had really happened at those horrifying meetings with Voldemort.**

**Being pulled from duty. Being useless. Allowing others to die in his place because they could never fulfill the plans the Dark Lord had in mind.**

**At least there could be some sort of ... Redemption ... if he could continue his work.**

**So, for now - and possibly until he was killed by either a Dementor's Kiss or the Dark Lord himself - Sev kept his counsel and remained silent on his own inner terrors.**

**-**

**Asphora LaChance cocked her head of silvery-white puff hair and knotted her brows over her intense blue eyes. She folded her hands in her lap, keeping them still.**

**"And why should he not close off from you, Albus?" she asked in a supernaturally calm voice. "You have sent him into the Dragon's Den several times."**

**Albus Dumbledore did not look like the Headmaster of the most advanced wizard's school in all of Europe. At the moment, his cap was off and his gnarled hands were pressed against his forehead. "I fear he is slipping from the Light, Asphora."**

**"If you wish for me to look into his mind, that I cannot do." She inhaled deeply. "He learned my Occlumency lessons well - he is a closed system, and nothing will penetrate him now."**

**Albus raised his head, his faded blue eyes gazing back at her. "Is he lost, then?"**

**"I am ... uncertain." She pressed her lips into a frown. "He wants great responsibility and accepts it and carries it through. You - granting him something as dangerous as becoming one of those things - has given him both purpose and resposibility, but he is also fragile enough to fall into the Darkness." She clutched the armrests of her chair. "He would NEVER be ready for something like this, even if you gave him a hundred years! The child is too damaged to do this work you have him do!"**

**"He accepted it willingly, Healer LaChance."**

**"And his fear of disappointing you made him accept it!" Asphora stood,her hands clutching the sides of her sky-blue robes. "We had come so far with him - how DARE you throw him to You-Know-Who!"**

**Albus stood as well. In a calm voice with the slightest sign of tears, he replied, "He is needed in this capacity."**

**"We can't protect him," she stated quietly as she turned away and studied the spiral staircase leading up to his library. "I certainly cannot protect him should he be found out ... "**

**"As an Auror, I understand your position," Albus countered just as quietly.**

**"I am obligated to bring him in right now, since I know what he has joined."**

**"And we are both trusting you to not do so."**

**"Why?" Asphora spun around, facing him. "I could turn him in and have him rehabilitated in St. Mungo's within ten years since this will be caught early enough to - "**

**Albus shook his head. "And have him live in what sort of world, Asphora?" He moved around his desk and stroked Fawkes' head. "Severus has to be needed, has to feel useful. His sense of duty is the only thing he has to offer the world; without it, he will surely attempt to kill himself again."**

**"And yet the lure of Darkness swallows up those like him and turns them into monsters," she retorted. "How long will his duty be able to battle that lure?"**

**"That is my greatest fear." He lowered his face and clsoed his eyes. "I can only hope, if he returns, that he could forgive me."**

**Asphora LaChance felt her lip curl up into a snarl as she pointedly Looked at him in a way that would have turned trolls into mice.**

**-**

**Severus drew the black hood over his head and entered the inner chamber of his Dark Master. Prostrating himself properly on the cold, wet stone floor (something he was told his sire had never done properly), he waited for the Dark Lord to acknowledge his presence.**

**"Rise, Snape," Voldemort intoned softly. "And remove the hood; covering such beauty is a crime."**

**He was ... almost used to the way he was addressed. It was becoming more bearable than being raped, either mentally or physically.**

**"I do as you will, Dread Lord," Severus murmured, as he slowly stood upright and pushed back his hood. "What is your bidding?"**

**"It is time for you to perform your First Task as a Death Eater," the Dark Lord stated, a hint of a smirk in his raspy voice. "I want you to kill Sartoris."**

**"The Potions Master of Hogwarts, my Lord?"**

**"The same." Voldemort glowered. "He has become ... sloppy ... in his old age. He has permitted himself to be caught by Dumbledore and has been implicated too many times in disasters involving you at that cesspit of a school. I blame that filthy habit of his."**

**"I agree, my Lord," Severus sneered. "His cocaine consumption has made him slovenly in his tasks as the Watcher."**

**"And you have advanced far beyond him already, young Snape," the Dark Lord chuckled. "With the help of Prakash, you will become even greater ... that is why I have no more use for Sartoris." His yellowed fangs glistened in the torchlight of the chamber. "You will take the place you were born for, Severus Snape."**

**Severus' ebony wand appeared, raised before his face. "I shall not disappoint you, my Lord."**

**"Snape ... "**

**Severus lowered the wand.**

**"Nothing as obvious as the Unforgivable. Use what you know, what you were taught and born to do. Something that will leave Sartoris' reputation tarnished forever in that pitiful school - and will shock Dumbledore."**

**"Yes, my Lord."**

**"Make sure you are not seen, nor allow the breath of scandal to touch upon yourself. I may need you later in the same position, and it will not do to have you die in Azkaban before your talent has been used."**

**"I understand, my Lord."**

**Severus bowed and left the chamber, forcing the contents of his stomach to remain in place until he could go back to school.**

**-**

**In the Dreamlands, Albus walked along the shore of the Ocean of Highest Hopes and Fears, forcing his eyes to the sand at his feet and the froth of the waves hitting the land. If he looked across the water, he knew he would see the verification of his worries.**

**"Walking alone again, Albus?" a familiar voice chuckled.**

**The Headmaster glanced up to his side, seeing his old friend Merlin walking in step with him. "You do know what weighs upon my heart, friend."**

**"I am surprised at you for having such little faith."**

**"There is a difference between faith and trust."**

**The ancient wizard nodded. "He can be trusted. The boy is now a man, a man with a purpose. Your faith in his ability to stick to it and not abandon it in his distress is what you fear."**

**"Yes."**

**"He keeps much from you, Albus."**

**"But why?"**

**"He is a receptacle of Secrets. Both yours and Voldemort's. The only way to get any of it out is to crack his head open. Otherwise, he'll keep it all to himself to his grave."**

**"That may be the case, old friend." Albus locked his hands together behind his back as he walked on. "This boy - this man - is my true son. I've known it since he arrived in my school seven years ago. I cannot bear to do this to him."**

**"Ah, but it is necessary, for the Good of Life."**

**"To destroy his?"**

**"And to save the lives of millions; it is painful, but extremely necessary." Merlin paused, placing his hands on Dumbledore's shoulders. "Albus, he will return to you. Damaged, yes; broken, yes; bitter and pathetic - but the portents of the future say it will be all worth it: to you, to the world, and especially to him."**

**Albus swallowed, turning his back to the ocean, and walked up to the Plains of the Cat Kingdom. "Thank you, Merlin."**

**The ancient wizard waved at the retreating form of Albus Dumbledore. "May the Old Ones protect you both."**

**-**

**Of course Gryffindor won the House Cup. And Sirius Black had to make sure Severus got one final prank for old time's sake and had managed to set up a batch of invisible marbles to be released as soon as Severus entered the Great Hall and land flat on his face in front of the entire school.**

**Everyone had little time to react with a giggle when Severus turned out, slipped his wand down his sleeve, and yelled "Accio-Sirius Black!"**

**Sirius was bodily pulled off his bench by magic and slammed face first into the floor as well. He pushed himself up and held his nose.**

**"Just like old times, Mr. Slick, when it was us against you and Snake-Bitch."**

**Severus carefully pulled himself up by gripping the end of Ravenclaw's table. "Hardly fair, Black, considering it's just myself."**

**"Yeah, well, the mighty Marauders aren't as whole as they used to be." Sirius tried pulling himself up with the help of Hufflepuff's table but slipped on his own invisible marbles. "I blame you for this, of course."**

**"Why not? You blame everything else on me, you miserable sot."**

**"Was your own fault, trying to expel us and almost getting killed as a result. Too bad Moony never got to." Sirius sneered. "Of course, you probably would have given him a stomach-ache with all that grease."**

**Severus stood upright and pointed his wand back down in Sirius' face. "Last I recall, this is the End-of-Term Feast - meaning we graduate this cess-pool tomorrow as well as be considered fully-fledged adult wizards."**

**"So you can't do anything to me yet, Snivellus."**

**Severus flicked his wand, causing Sirius Black's uniform to explode into bright pink feathers. "Nothing was said about your uniform." He slipped his wand back inside his sleeve and turned his back to the Gryffindor. "Incidentally, Black, you are fortunate I have mellowed this last few years ... if Martis were indeed still here, you would find yourself at the end of a particularly nasty but brilliant prank that would make the Debate Society Incident your fondest memory."**

**Feeling the intent, he raised his hand behind his head and caught the invisible marbles launched at his skull. He dropped them, hearing them tinkle as they bounced to the floor. "Really, Black, the real world will eat you alive if you continue on this track of juvenile stupidity."**

**Black sat speechless on the floor, staring after the dark figure of Severus Snape practically swooping down the aisle to his seat at Slytherin table.**

**-**

**Albus Dumbledore looked up as the teenager-turned-young-man materialized in his office.**

**"Severus - "**

**Snape placed his finger to his lips, indicating quiet. "I don't want you to say anything, Dumbledore. This is hard enough. Things will happen quickly and there is no way I'll be able to stop it."**

**"Severus - "**

**"I said shut up! Don't get in the way of this. Just do your normal duties as Headmaster and I'll get you all your information. The Dark Lord wants me to perform my First Task and as long as I do it, I'll be to the right of him ever after." Severus inhaled deeply. "I will give you every grain of information I can find, I promise you that."**

**Albus nodded, getting up and opening his arms slightly. Severus turned away. "If I accept, I know I'll lose my nerve."**

**"Severus, I recant, you don't - "**

**The teenager turned and his wand appeared in his hand, the tip pointing between Albus' eyes. "I must. Trust me to not fail you. If I am pulled from this, I swear to all the Gods Below I will end my life and I will finally succeed at it."**

**Albus lowered his arms. "I am so sorry, my Son ... "**

**Severus' lip curled and he left, making sure Albus never saw the tears filling his eyes.**

**-**

**The Graduation Ceremony passed quickly the next morning, and students boarded the train to return to London and their families for the summer.**

**On the Hogwarts Express, Lily Evans and James Potter shared a compartment with the rest of the Marauders.**

**"Lily and I are going into the Ministry of Law Enforcement," James was saying. "Being an Auror sounds like good work these days."**

**Lily nodded. "Considering some of the things we've been through ... "**

**Sirius smirked. "So, when do we expect the wedding?"**

**Remus Lupin looked up. "Give them a little time, Sirius!"**

**"At least long enough for me to propose," James chuckled. "Speaking of which - "**

**He got down on the floor of the compartment and stood on one knee, facing Lily. "I was going to wait until we were back in London, but since the guys are being pains, I may as well - " James clasped her hands in his. "Lily Evans, will you marry me?"**

**The compartment filled with silence; even Peter Pettigrew stopped fiddling with his package of Ice Mice long enough to hear her response.**

**Turning as red as her hair, Lily answered, "I thought you'd never ask, James Potter. I accept your proposal."**

**James exhaled loudly, then was caught in a tight kiss from his fiancee. Remus and Sirius grinned at each other, and Peter squeaked in surprise.**

**"Come on, guys," Sirius said. "Let's leave the lovebirds alone for a bit and go bother somebody."**

**The three left the compartment and Remus stated, "If you're looking for Snape, he's not on the train."**

**"Did somebody dump his body off before we got a chance?" Peter giggled.**

**Sirius shook his head. "Shut your cakehole, Wormtail. No, I was thinking of finding dates for Prongs' wedding."**

**Sirius began humming Wagner's 'Wedding March' loudly as he made his way down the train car.**

**Remus rolled his eyes. "Nothing but a neverending party, that one."**

**Peter sneered playfully. "It is a party, Moony. Come on, we're all legal and stuff, let's have some fun."**

**Remus was pulled along in the tide, wondering what the future held after the party was over.**

**-**

**Severus had not left Slytherin Tower since the graduation ceremony.**

**He began packing away the things that would not be appropriate for a Death Eater. He packed away his school albums, his uniforms, his House scarf and tie ...**

**He paused as he held one of the albums; it was bright orange with gold and red spirals all over it, making it without a doubt one of the two cheeriest things he owned. He wondered why he kept it after all these years, especially since the person who had made it was gone from his life and probably all the much happier for it.**

_**Don't open it.**_

**His long fingers trembled as he flipped the cover open.**

_**Don't read anything.**_

**'To my darling Snips, **

**happy 16th birthday.**

**Love,**

**Spirals'**

_**Don't look at anything.**_

**His eyes rested on the first picture ... him at fourteen and her at twelve, both of them bouncing on the couch in the common room, laughing hysterically.**

**He slammed the album shut, violently throwing it into his trunk.**

_**I'm so sorry for failing you, Martis.**_

**He clenched his teeth and turned his attention back to packing his things away. He did not even pause to remember the Potters as he wadded up the red Yule sweater and threw it in the trunk as well.**

**That was his past, and there was no going back. They were gone, all of them. It was himself, alone against terrors only he could face.**

**The knock at the door did not even make him jump from his skin. "Severus?" the House Mother's voice said. "Will you be well over the summer by yourself?"**

**"I will be well, Miss Price," he answered darkly. "Best go along with Professor Penderdandis."**

**She raised her hand slightly and he turned to her. "Miss Price ... go on."**

**Rowena Price nodded, her indigo skirts being the last of her to leave the dorm room.**

**Severus inhaled deeply, then retrieved a vial of silver liquid from his nightstand and tucked it into his sleeve before he finally locked his trunk.**

**Time to visit with Sartoris.**

**-**

**Sejanus Sartoris, Potions Master of Hogwarts and Watcher for the Dark Lord, called, "Enter!"**

**Severus opened the door to the office. "You asked to see me, sir?"**

**"Yes, come in, Master Snape." Sartoris grinned. "This is going to be a wonderful summer for us, Severus. The Dark Lord has told me that you are now among our number, and that you will be my assistant in our work for him. When Dr. Prakash visits, he'll be rounding out your studies. I must say, Severus, you are a wondrous prodigy in our work." He leaned back in his desk chair. "I have some wine reserved for this ocassion for your graduation and acceptance into the fold. If you'd like the honors, why don't you pour for us and we'll toast your success."**

**"Very well, sir."**

**"Sejanus now, son. We are equals."**

**Severus shook his head as he made his way to the alchemy table where the wine bottle and glasses stood. Placing his back to him, he wriggled his wrist and the vial head popped out. Uncorking the wine, he said, "Sejanus-sir, if you don't mind, I'm afraid I can't imbibe much - "**

**"I know, Severus. Everyone is still talking about that rip you went on back when you were a Fourth-Year. Still haven't figured out how you filled the Great Hall with lime gelatin."**

**"To be honest, sir, I can't figure it out, either." He poured the wine, allowing the contents of the vial to fall in with the alcohol of one glass. "But I have abandoned such childish pranks."**

**"About time; we were a little worried when that Vox girl was at your back all the time, but it worked out well in the end."**

**"Must not allow such trivialities to upset our work," Severus answered automatically as he pushed the vial back under his sleeve with his wrist and poured his own glass. He delicately raised the glasses and handed one to Sartoris. "You have the honors, Sejanus-sir."**

**Sartoris accepted his glass and raised it up to his former student. "To Severus Snape, quickly becoming a Potions Master in his own right."**

**Severus raised his glass toward his former teacher. "To Sejanus Sartoris, may his retirement be peaceful."**

**Sartoris raised an eyebrow. "You can't upsurp me that soon, Severus."**

**The teenager smirked. "I meant it as a compliment, considering our work, sir."**

**"Yes, a peaceful retirement is quite desirable in that respect."**

**Severus sipped his wine as Sartoris inhaled his. "Wonderful bouquet on this bottle, Severus. To appreciate wine properly, you have to absorb its essence." He sipped, allowing the liquid to play across his tongue, the swallowed. "A little too cold, but that's the problem with having toasts in the dungeons. My apologies for the taste being slightly off."**

**Severus said nothing, watching Sartoris finish the glass before getting halfway through his.**

**"I'm afraid that's all for me, Sejanus-sir," Severus stated. "I must put something in my stomach so I won't have another mad prank-dash in the middle of the night."**

**"Good idea. I'll see you in a few days when Dr. Prakash arrives. Good night."**

**"Good night, sir."**

**Severus left the office, slowly walked through the potions lab, and finally closed the door to those rooms behind him in the dungeon hallway.**

**He fell to his knees, now only becoming aware of how much his legs were shaking. The potion he gave Sartoris was not dangerous itself, but it was meant to interact with chemicals in strong ways.**

**Time to establish an alibi.**

**Taking slow breaths, Severus stood up and walked down the corridor toward the Great Hall where the teachers were having dinner.**

**He knew Dumbledore was looking at him.**

**He wished he could look back, but he was not sure if he would burst into tears or begin screaming, so he kept his face lowered and covered with his long black hair.**

**-**


	18. The Final Descent

Chapter18 - The Final Descent

Severus awoke, feeling emptiness spread out from his body and taking over the world around him. Everything seemed so large but seemed to be comprised of completely and utterly nothing. He had performed his mission for the Dark Lord, and he knew he could not report back until he was certain Sartoris was dead.

He continued to lay in bed, staring at the green canopy over him and wishing for time to stand still. He could not get up, he could not see if it had worked, he could not see if it had failed and Sartoris knew what he had done, he could not bring himself to move at all.

However, he of all people knew time would never stand still, and he forced himself up to shower and dress and prepare himself to slip into his actor's Mask of Mourning when he would be told the news of the scandalous death of the potions master.

The corridor of the dungeon was filled with teachers and aurors, the buzz of conversation and questioning reaching his ears as he approached the gathering. He carefully applied a Mask of Confusion across his face.

"What's going on here?" he demanded.

Professor Sinistra - closest to him - turned, and gently touched his face with her long purple nails. "Oh, Severus! It's horrendous! Professor Sartoris is dead!"

A Mask of Anxious Disbelief replaced the confusion. "Dead? He can't be. Death would be afraid to collect him."

"It's true." She took her hand away and used it to find a kerchief in her robes, bringing it up to dab at her thin nose. "When he did not respond to the call for Faculty Parting Breakfast, he was found in his office."

Severus shook his head, carefully knotting his brows together. "No. He's not dead. Let me see him!"

Professor Sinistra tried to pull him back, but he shook her hand off his arm and pushed his way between Professors Kettleburn and Azaki, gazing into the lab. "Let me through!"

Professor Azaki managed to grab his arm. "No, Severus! You can't see him!"

"He's my potions master!" Severus snarled at his Magical World Studies teacher. "He can't be dead!"

Azaki released him and Severus rushed into the room, knocking down two Aurors and nearly crashing into the doorway.

In the potion master's office, Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall were talking quietly with three Aurors and the Minister of Magic. A figure draped with a white sheet was hunched over the desk. On the desk itself was a mirror lined with two long rows of white powder.

"Severus - " Dumbledore began.

The teenager plastered a Mask of Anger over his features. "What happened to Sartoris?" he shrieked, striding across the room and whipping the sheet off.

Sartoris' body was slumped over the desk, his hand gripping a stiff piece of tubing and the blood drained from his face.

"The Professor," McGonagall stated clinically. "Had died of a chemical overdose, Snape." She eyed him critically. "And we would appreciate it if you would please leave the dungeons so the Aurors may conduct their investigation without any sort of hinderance."

"Who did this to him?" Severus inquired.

"He did it to himself, Severus," Dumbledore replied. "We will share the details with you later when the investigation is complete, when we know the full details of his demise. Considering how close you were to this particular teacher, the Aurors may question you if it suits their investigation."

"Indeed?" one of the female Aurors piped up. "We may as well get it done with now. Mind if I ask you a few questions?"

Severus nodded silently, finally applying his Mask of Shut-Down.

-

He - was - brilliant. If he could say so himself.

He revealed he did not know of Sartoris' recreational habits involving any of the more illegal potions, nor did he believe his mentor to be the sort to indulge in such internal mutilation.

"But his addiction seems to have stretched back as far as the 1940's," he was informed. "The amount found in his possession and the amount he had consumed the night before indicate that Sejanus Sartoris was using this ... drug ... as a stimulant to be able to function from day to day. Evidently, he had also used it for recreational purposes since we found small traces of Enhancement Draught in his bloodstream. The draught seems to be what had killed him - it enchanced the effect of this 'cocaine' and caused an artificial overdose in his system."

His mission had been successful. He had to remember to keep his hair in his face when he felt like smirking.

He really should not feel such relief for assisting in the poisoning of his potions tutor and mentor, but yet ... he felt a strange sense of satisfaction in bringing about the end of that part of his life. Like a severing of his past. What he could endure as a Death Eater seemed welcomed compared to the darkness of his childhood.

It gave him more of an excuse to hide in his dorm room and not bother with associating with anyone until Dhir Prakash arrived within a few days.

-

Minerva McGonagall gently stroked Fawkes' head in Dumbledore's office.

"It seems," she commented. "That Snape had taken the death of his mentor rather hard."

"Does one blame the boy?" Albus asked. "Sejanus was very likely the only teacher on staff that did not fine him points or have him serve many dententions due to Sirius Black and James Potter."

"Well, now we know why - the man was a filthy drug abuser!"

"Minerva, it is still in bad form to speak ill of the dead, no matter what his personal habits were."

She pursed her lips, as if sucking on a lemon.

Albus continued: "He has been teaching potions at this school since 1901, Professor. It was simply his Time to go."

She raised an eyebrow. "Will you be safe in the school with Severus Snape here while Dr. Prakash visits?"

"I will be well, Minerva," he replied. "Severus has withdrawn himself over this scandalous death of his mentor, but he will bury himself into his work with the doctor. He will assist only one rather than two."

"He's slipped into Darkness, Albus."

"We've done all we could."

"We knew it was inevitable."

"While there is life, we shall hope."

"And he has pulled away from that."

Albus spread his hands across his desk, silently shrugging. "He is also an adult and we cannot make the choices for him any more."

McGonagall closed her eyes, continuing to pet Fawkes. "I remember how you tried with Tom Riddle."

"I'm surprised it was known at all."

She opened her eyes. "I was a very observant student, Professor Dumbledore. Even then, his 'other' name had been whispered of." She pressed her lips, then added softly, "I could not tell you seven years ago, but I will now - when I had first placed the Sorting Hat on Snape, I felt the same darkness and bitterness as I had felt with Riddle when I knew him in school. This child is going to be a plague to humankind."

"Do you doubt my trust?"

"I doubt you can discriminate the difference between hope and hopeless, Albus."

He lowered his eyes. "Every superficial surface has a depth that can never be reached or known. The same is true of Severus."

McGonagall inhaled, turning her attention back to the phoenix. "I do hope you're right."

-

"Tomorrow is the arrival of Dhir Prakash to Hogwarts," the Dark Lord stated. "I believe you will find his instruction to be refreshing."

Severus stood silently in the cold, wet chamber.

"Something troubles you, beautiful one?"

Severus shifted his eyes from left to right. "Dumbledore will be alone in the castle - "

Voldemort raised his hand. "Patience, Snape. Simply killing him at this point is ill-advised, however the temptation appears to be irresistable. I will bide my time with him. The only things you worry about at this point, my lovely pet, is to absorb everything he says and does, and to learn from Prakash." Nagini slithered up the carved chair and curled himself around the Dark Lord's arm. "Understand, Snape?"

"Perfectly, Dread Lord," Severus answered with a bow.

"I still must congratulate you on your work with Sartoris," he chuckled. "An Enhancement Draught; quite clever of you. Dumbledore was quite shocked, wasn't he?"

Severus smirked. "The look of betrayal would have pleased you immensely."

"Very good." The Dark Lord grinned wickedly. "Very good, Death Eater Snape."

-

Albus entered the Dreamlands silently, walking into the Forest of Souls and coming upon a scene of peculiar figures.

The clearing in the wood had been filled with a room - specifically, his office. Within this office was Severus Snape; an older Snape that had seen and lived through too many horrors to name, but yet lived through them with his soul damaged but intact.

In this room was a young man that looked like James Potter, save for a lighting-shaped scar on his forehead and a pair of intense green eyes behind his glasses.

"All this," the boy was saying. "Was an act?"

Severus lowered his face, bracing his hands on Albus' desk. "An act to outwit everyone, including the other players, Potter." His gravelly voice - abused by the poison he took at seventeen - was suitable for dark graveyards and unholy rites.

"You were a rotten bastard, Snape."

"That was the role I had to play."

Albus pushed his way into the room. "And I take responsibility for it!"

Severus looked up at him, his face harder, more craggy, but the liquid black eyes returning his gaze. "Repenance is not for the Directors, Father. The Actors who have begun to believe they are the roles they play - that is who must Repent."

The teenage boy glared up at both of them. "I'm not an Actor or Director! I did not ask to be born to this! I'm not the hero or savior of the world! I refuse it!"

Severus turned on him. "And I was born for far worse things, Potter! If I had really been the monster you believe me to be, I would have helped Quirrel kill you your First-Year! I protected your ungrateful hide not out of a Life Debt to your father, but because you were needed for this!" He leaned close to the teenage boy's face. "We are born for certain things, Harry Potter, and some of those certain things are more important than our feelings and comfort."

"I don't want to do it!"

"We do it because we CAN do it, Potter. No one else is capable but us."

Albus stepped back, watching the Dark Child and the Child of Light battle their wills against the other.

"I am not capable!"

"Indeed you are. At least you are permitted outright combat instead of tormenting yourself with the horrors of being on the inside."

The young man's mouth flew open, making no sound for a moment. Finally, his voice returned. "If I'm meant for this, then why do you need to protect me?"

"Because of prophesy and because I refuse to allow the Dark Lord to destroy that which I hold dear!"

"Severus - " Albus began.

The older Snape glanced at him, then turned back to the boy known as Harry Potter. "Because I'm the only one who can. When all is said, and the forces have taken out the rest of our comrades, you will see me in the Shadows, apparently on the side that wishes to kill you. But I will be the one staying the hand of Darkness long enough for you to destroy it."

"I can't do that," Harry Potter whispered.

"If I can touch the Darkness and live, you can surely destroy it. I will wage my final breath on it."

-

Albus' vision blurred, spinning him out of the Dreamlands and back into semi-consciousness. The scene faded; breaking into pieces that whirled out of mind and sight as the old wizard woke in the pre-dawn darkness.

Wondering now what had until seconds ago been so important, Albus Dumbledore rose and began to prepare for the day.

-

THE END

-


End file.
